Remedies for what ails us

[targetman]

Okay, so we're not going to make a trade and we'll let our contracts go to waste, so let's think of some other ways we can help this group of young players improve. I think a little tough love is in order here. Here are just a few suggestions:

Duct tape an oven mitt to Lamar's left hand and force him to go in for lay ups with his right. Make him do it over and over until he knows he has one.

Tie Smush to a chair and force him to watch a highlight tape of nothing but himself getting 8 second violations and travels at crucial times.

Attach tiny electrodes to Kwame's genitals and activate them whenever he is open under the basket and doesn't dunk. The only way he can turn off the shock is by dunking the ball in the basket in a hurry.

Put an alarm on the basket that goes off whenever the ball slams against the backboard due to a line drive free throw or a long errant three pointer. Make it Barry Manilow singing Mandy so that they players will know that if they hit the backboard they will go to sleep at night with that song playing in their head.

Make a new Carl's Jr poster of Cookie with his tough guy smirk, Smush with his embarrassed look after bonehead plays, Lamar with his laugh after costly mistakes, Kobe with his glare about playing with such a clown posse.
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Hope for the best. Prepare for the worst.

[Colby Briant]

Every time the Lakers lose, fine each player not named Kobe $100,000

we'll win all our remaining games if we do that