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Reflexx
Franchise Player
Joined: 25 Jun 2005
Posts: 11163
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 Posted: Fri Oct 24, 2014 5:51 am Post subject: |
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| sickside323 wrote: | | The Dirty Old Man: He is usually a late thirty-something with reasonable height. He most likely has some sort of knee or elbow wrap that he needs to wear due to thirty years of playing pickup ball. He's clearly past his prime and can't move like he used to so he has to resort to throwing elbows and taking guys out who are coming down the lane. He justifies his dirty play by telling everyone that he's old scool. |
This is why I don't play pick up ball.
People always complaining when I take everyone out. Yup. I've been that dirty old man mixed in with small guy with a Napoleon complex.
*ashamed* 
In my defense... I didn't realize what I was doing most of the time. I just play rough. I always wanted to guard bigger and more stocky dudes because I looked forward to battling. If I got hit I enjoyed the game more and thought others felt the same. |
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Grammer
Star Player
Joined: 25 Jun 2013
Posts: 1273
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| Posted: Fri Oct 24, 2014 7:30 am Post subject: |
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The Semi-Pro players: they make the game(s) no fun. Or maybe I just need to get better...
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dont_be_a_wuss
Franchise Player
Joined: 29 Mar 2012
Posts: 21458
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| Posted: Fri Oct 24, 2014 8:37 am Post subject: |
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| The "coach" who always smokes a cigarette on the sideline between games. The guy who is always telling everyone where to go and what to do, meanwhile can't make an accurate pass to a guy on the fast break and can't read the no smoking signs. |
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LAkers 4 Life
Franchise Player
Joined: 12 Apr 2001
Posts: 14629
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| Posted: Fri Oct 24, 2014 9:36 am Post subject: |
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| LakerLanny wrote: | | I would consider creating an alternate user name like that *purs Troll Man In Black did so I could post back and forth to myself like he did. |
Oh really? What was the alternate user name he used? I stopped reading MIB's posts a long time ago. I got headaches from the numerous eye-rolling I did reading them. |
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K28
Franchise Player
Joined: 29 Nov 2012
Posts: 10038
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| Posted: Fri Oct 24, 2014 9:39 am Post subject: |
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I'm the "Indian guy with no hops and no handles" 
This thread reminded me of this though:
Basketball Stereotypes
I liked the "Football Player/Rage Monster" |
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999
Franchise Player
Joined: 19 Oct 2006
Posts: 20266
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| Posted: Fri Oct 24, 2014 10:29 am Post subject: |
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[quote="CMB"] | C M B wrote: | 1.) The High Expector
The player who is more athletic and talented than most players on the court and has extensive experience playing organized ball, but has ZERO tolerance for non-regular/inexperienced players who can't catch 250mph bounce passes or knock down open jumpshots like you're f'ing Dell Curry. This player feels like every possession is for the NBA championship and is keeping a Nazi eye on every mistake you make and will let you hear about it via slapping his hands together and whining: "aw come OWN dawg, how you missed dat?" You are an inconvenience to this player. He's pissed that you ended up on his team. After your team loses and the other team asks "Wanna run it back?", he exclaims "Aw HELL naw we need to switch up these teams!" despite only losing by only 1 point, which was the game winning basket that he failed to cover. Losing wasn't his fault; it was your fault. This player typically took the bus to get to the court. Almost winning a game was the highlight of his day.
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sounds like Smush Parker confession to Henry Abbot |
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C M B
Franchise Player
Joined: 15 Nov 2006
Posts: 19864
Location: Prarie & Manchester, high above the western sideline
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| Posted: Thu Oct 30, 2014 9:49 pm Post subject: |
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I played in an officiated game for the first time ever. I racked up 2x technical fouls for not subbing out properly (6 players on court). Still feeling some (bleep) heat.
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| Sister Golden Hair wrote: | LAMAR ODOM is an anagram for ... DOOM ALARM
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Cutheon
Franchise Player
Joined: 10 Jul 2009
Posts: 12161
Location: Bay Area
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cheapedy
Sixth Man
Joined: 26 Jun 2005
Posts: 83
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| Posted: Sun Nov 02, 2014 4:54 pm Post subject: |
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| Not sure what you call this guy. My 6'2 , 15 year old cousin comes over for the 4th of July and since I live a few minutes away from a park, we go to shoot some hoops. No one is playing, so we have the courts to ourselves. After several minutes, little by little like 15 mutha------ show up and nobody brings a ball. They wanna get a full court game going, I'm not really feeling it, so I tell my cousin I'm heading back. He wants to play, and its his ball. I come back 2 hours later and he's still playing, more mutha------ showed up and no one brought a damn ball! |
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Gimme_the_rock
Franchise Player
Joined: 13 Apr 2001
Posts: 11882
Location: Looking outta the window, watching the asphalt grow ...
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| Posted: Fri Mar 27, 2015 11:53 am Post subject: |
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| C M B wrote: | | I played in an officiated game for the first time ever. I racked up 2x technical fouls for not subbing out properly (6 players on court). Still feeling some (bleep) heat. |
6 and under or Open?
Are you still balling pickup by CSULB?
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C M B
Franchise Player
Joined: 15 Nov 2006
Posts: 19864
Location: Prarie & Manchester, high above the western sideline
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| Posted: Fri Mar 27, 2015 3:08 pm Post subject: |
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| Gimme_the_rock wrote: | | C M B wrote: | | I played in an officiated game for the first time ever. I racked up 2x technical fouls for not subbing out properly (6 players on court). Still feeling some (bleep) heat. |
6 and under or Open?
Are you still balling pickup by CSULB? |
d4 open
Nope @ pickup, the game is still running but I can't make it at that time
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| Sister Golden Hair wrote: | LAMAR ODOM is an anagram for ... DOOM ALARM
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GoldenThroat
Moderator
Joined: 25 Jul 2005
Posts: 37474
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| Posted: Thu Apr 02, 2015 8:24 pm Post subject: |
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| C M B wrote: | The Modern Art Shooter
The guy whose shooting form makes you want to kill yourself.
You first notice that he runs funny and that he's not wearing basketball shoes. "That's okay", you think to yourself. Then, you take a closer look. His shoes are made by Umbro. "Oh. He's probably foreign. That's okay too." Except he starts talking, and he's not foreign. He sounds like he's from around here. Hmm. Then one of the shootaround balls lands near him, and from the moment he sets his hands on the ball to dribble it, you know that everything is not quite right. He faces the hoop and sets up his shot. Jesus, what's he doing? His shooting wrist isn't below the ball! His guide hand is draped across the top of the ball from left to right! Little do you know that the next fraction of a second will haunt you forever. Small children with the misfortune of looking in his direction flinch, as if uncertain of their own well-being. They look behind them for reassurance but instead they're frightened by the terror they see in their mothers' faces. You try to avert your eyes like Karen Allen at the end of Raiders of the Lost Ark when the big Nazi gets sliced by the propeller, but it's too late. You see everything including the follow-through...an image of darkness like the kind that drove H.P. Lovecraft's pen has now been burned into your reality. It'd be one thing if this guy was a good shooter, but no, it's like the rim wants absolutely nothing to do with his stuff. |
This guy will bank in the game winning shot from the top of the key, because (bleep) you. |
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C M B
Franchise Player
Joined: 15 Nov 2006
Posts: 19864
Location: Prarie & Manchester, high above the western sideline
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| Posted: Fri Apr 03, 2015 8:15 pm Post subject: |
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| GoldenThroat wrote: | | C M B wrote: | The Modern Art Shooter
The guy whose shooting form makes you want to kill yourself.
You first notice that he runs funny and that he's not wearing basketball shoes. "That's okay", you think to yourself. Then, you take a closer look. His shoes are made by Umbro. "Oh. He's probably foreign. That's okay too." Except he starts talking, and he's not foreign. He sounds like he's from around here. Hmm. Then one of the shootaround balls lands near him, and from the moment he sets his hands on the ball to dribble it, you know that everything is not quite right. He faces the hoop and sets up his shot. Jesus, what's he doing? His shooting wrist isn't below the ball! His guide hand is draped across the top of the ball from left to right! Little do you know that the next fraction of a second will haunt you forever. Small children with the misfortune of looking in his direction flinch, as if uncertain of their own well-being. They look behind them for reassurance but instead they're frightened by the terror they see in their mothers' faces. You try to avert your eyes like Karen Allen at the end of Raiders of the Lost Ark when the big Nazi gets sliced by the propeller, but it's too late. You see everything including the follow-through...an image of darkness like the kind that drove H.P. Lovecraft's pen has now been burned into your reality. It'd be one thing if this guy was a good shooter, but no, it's like the rim wants absolutely nothing to do with his stuff. |
This guy will bank in the game winning shot from the top of the key, because (bleep) you. |
lmao. Am I correct to assume that you've just watched this happen?
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| Sister Golden Hair wrote: | LAMAR ODOM is an anagram for ... DOOM ALARM
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PLATNUM
Star Player
Joined: 17 Dec 2002
Posts: 7124
Location: L.A.
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| Posted: Fri Apr 03, 2015 9:42 pm Post subject: |
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Just played a few games last week with some dick who constantly bulldozed his way into the lane and with ANY contact whatsoever would flail his arms out like CP3. Dude was pretty big and he ended up hitting me right in the freaking throat with his forearm. I was sidelined for a good 5 mi nutes trying to catch my breath and making sure my esophagus was still intact. I was legitimately scared for a while... my eyes were watering like crazy and I honestly felt like I couldn't swallow. Myself and a few other guys ended up calling him out for flopping like a little B and I later dished out a nice little payback elbow to the side of his face. Yes, I had to.
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"Dread it, run from it... destiny arrives all the same." |
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Huey Lewis & The News
Star Player
Joined: 18 Dec 2015
Posts: 5234
Location: So what's the uh...topic of discussion?
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| Posted: Tue Mar 20, 2018 3:46 pm Post subject: |
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Christopher Columbus
>arrive at one of the scarce few suburban outdoor park basketball courts in the area which are some combination of well-lit, safe, and clean, and are supplied with a regular playerbase that will neither bore you or be bored by you
>you lock your car, readjust the crotch of your shorts
>what time is it? gametime, hoo
>you hear the clackering of a hard plastic ball bouncing on a paved surface
>you visualize yourself using the dreamshake that you've been youtubing all day on some chump in the post
>a feeble, weathered voice exclaims "out!" as you approach the court
>a wiffleball rolls to a stop near your feet
>you pick it up and see nothing but atrophied calves, New Balance walking shoes, and pullover sweatshirts that say things like "BIOLA", "Chapman University", and "Monument Valley National Park"
>one of them speaks an inaudible sentence that contains "my son's wife" something something "Yorba Linda"
>return their perforated ball and ask what they're doing
>"we're playing pickleball! tuesday night is pickleball night"
>"oh. since when?"
>"since today but from now on!"
>"oh. what's pickleball?"
>"it's like tennis!"
>"oh. but...this is a basketball court and you don't even have a net"
>"we know."
>guess you're not playing basketball tonight. not here.
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Last edited by Huey Lewis & The News on Tue Mar 20, 2018 4:02 pm; edited 1 time in total |
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Gatekeeper
Star Player
Joined: 11 Jan 2012
Posts: 5103
Location: Southland Native
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LakerLanny
Retired Number
Joined: 24 Oct 2001
Posts: 47580
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| Posted: Tue Mar 20, 2018 6:04 pm Post subject: |
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Reading CMB in this thread brings me back to #8 Kobe....
For those who don't know, CMB is now in his #24 mode as Huey Lewis and The News.
Both user names will go on the LG Wall I suspect.
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Huey Lewis & The News
Star Player
Joined: 18 Dec 2015
Posts: 5234
Location: So what's the uh...topic of discussion?
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| Posted: Sat Jun 23, 2018 3:41 am Post subject: |
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Shane
>guy shows up to your gym's basketball court at peak time, patiently waits his turn to get next
>all of the regulars are there and nobody's ever seen this guy before
>he's in better shape and is better-looking than everyone else. he has every right to be a total peckerhead, yet, is cordial and emotionally accommodating
>says "nice pass" with no sarcasm after he receives the ball, creates his own shot, and then scores, even though you made an objectively bad pass which was almost stolen
>cheers for your every shot made. also compliments members of opposing team for their play, despite their slovenly and arrogant demeanor
>quietly reveals himself as the best player on the court by far; deflects flattery by remarking he could've done better on the previous play
>says "nice try" in earnest when you miss a gimme
>stands up for you, assertively and constructively, when you're berated by other teammates after a crucial blunder
>cops to fouls committed
>calls his own travels
>notifies you of screens on the correct side at critical times
>you wake up from this fever dream, sobbing, mourning aloud society's failure to ever allow a player like this to exist
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"All wars are civil wars, because all men are brothers."
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Huey Lewis & The News
Star Player
Joined: 18 Dec 2015
Posts: 5234
Location: So what's the uh...topic of discussion?
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| Posted: Sat Feb 09, 2019 5:06 am Post subject: |
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The Rifleman's Creed
played with this guy earlier this week
>I'm shooting around with 7 other guys on one end of the court
>there's one guy on the other end, doing what at first looked like a meticulous dribbling exercise
>9th guy shows up on our end of the court, sweet, now we can run
>one of us asks the loner if he wants to run
>loner doesn't look up from his baby steps dribbling drill
>maybe he didn't hear the guy. Guy asks again "Excuse me, do you wanna play full court with us?"
>this mid 30s-ish loner momentarily glances at our ambassador, before breaking contact and returning to what appeared upon closer proximity more like a self-comforting, ritual prostration thing that just happened to involve a basketball, along the painted path of the three point arc. ok, he's clearly not deaf, and most of the other guys appear unsettled
>we're near enough to him at this point to make out an eagle globe and anchor tattoo on his bicep, which is exposed by a sleeveless tee...it's a veritably chilly 50 degrees out here with a multiplying breeze. uh oh
>there was no discussion but it looked to me like everyone else on the court understood that we'd all just been deputized to avert a potential explosion
>not too long into this stalemate, a more suitable 10th player arrives, so we retreat to the other hoop and shoot for teams. all the while, mr. thousand yard stare is still dribbling away
>we approach him as a unified group to deliver, in the most genteel manner possible, the fact that we are about to start a game
>one of us civilians: "e-excuse me s-sir, we have 2 full squads now so would you mind if w--"
>krakatoa erupts: "(bleep) YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" (bleep) YOU! (bleep) YOU!"
>we're taken aback, speechless. He continues the tirade, inhaling between chants, recruiting every muscle in his upper body to add stopping power and volume to the shout. it was quite effective.
>some mad lad decides to shoot a ball that deflects off of the rim and bounces near pvt. pyle's feet
>the loner tucks his own ball under his arm and walks at a casual pace towards the adjacent parking lot, "(bleep) YOU!" chant incessant
>he continues the chant throughout the entire ~50m walk from the pavement to his car with fascinating doppler effect as he gets further and further away from us
>(bleep) YOU!
>(bleep) YOU!
>(bleep) YOU!
>he gets in the car and closes the door. The muffled "(bleep) YOU!" is still surprisingly audible, and wasn't truly vanquished until he started the engine and drove into the night, out of our lives
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"All wars are civil wars, because all men are brothers."
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Last edited by Huey Lewis & The News on Sat Feb 09, 2019 5:44 am; edited 2 times in total |
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governator
Retired Number
Joined: 28 Jan 2006
Posts: 25076
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| Posted: Sat Feb 09, 2019 5:18 am Post subject: |
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| Whoa these are gems lol, need more! |
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Gellollo
Star Player
Joined: 17 Jul 2008
Posts: 1560
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| Posted: Sat Feb 09, 2019 7:32 am Post subject: |
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| I'm the guy who overpasses and gets scolded by teammates when I don't shoot wide open shots. |
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C M B
Franchise Player
Joined: 15 Nov 2006
Posts: 19864
Location: Prarie & Manchester, high above the western sideline
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| Posted: Sat Feb 19, 2022 4:14 am Post subject: |
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discount Lavar Ball
Guy who scatters hi-visibility orange cones (some are clearly marked "DOT", some are those larger ones with the heavy rubber base and torn ribbons of caution tape still knotted around them) all over the park's only lighted basketball court so that his 6-7 year old son can run drills.
What sounded like coach-dad tough love when you you first arrived at the court 40 minutes ago escalated into a chaotic medley of confidence-crushing derision and angry F bombs. After the kid hits the wall, coach dad ends practice with "You gonna quit? You quit now, you gonna be quitting your whole life, pu__y! (bleep) this, it's pointless being out here with you. Pick all this sh__ up and put it in the car." He grabs his keys and stomps off to the car while the terrified, emotionally shattered boy collects the equipment and drags it off to the parking lot. Thankfully, coach dad ended the session early so that all of the people who waited patiently now have at least 10-15 minutes of court time before the lights turn off for the night.
^Tustin Sports Park on random weeknights
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| Sister Golden Hair wrote: | LAMAR ODOM is an anagram for ... DOOM ALARM
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