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lakersfreak
Franchise Player
Joined: 11 Apr 2001
Posts: 12389
Location: Riverside Rescue
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 Posted: Tue Jul 04, 2006 6:06 pm Post subject: The International Rules of Manhood |
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The International Rules of Manhood:
1: Under no circumstances may two men share an umbrella.
2: It is OK for a man to cry ONLY under the following circumstances:
(a) When a heroic dog dies to save its master.
(b) The moment Angelina Jolie starts unbuttoning her blouse.
(c) After wrecking your boss's car.
(d) One hour, 12 minutes, 37 seconds into "The Crying Game".
(e) When she is using her teeth.
3: Any Man who brings a camera to a bachelor party may be legally killed and eaten by his buddies.
4: Unless he murdered someone in your family, you must bail a friend out of jail within 12 hours.
5: If you've known a guy for more than 24 hours, his sister is off limits forever unless you actually marry her.
6: Moaning about the brand of free beer in a buddy's fridge is forbidden. However complain at will if the temperature is unsuitable.
7: No man shall ever be required to buy a birthday present for another man. In fact, even remembering your buddy's birthday is strictly optional. At that point, you must celebrate at a strip bar of the birthday boy's choice.
8: On a road trip, the strongest bladder determines pit stops, not the weakest.
9: When stumbling upon other guys watching a sporting event, you may ask the score of the game in progress, but you may never ask who's playing.
10: You may flatulate in front of a woman only after you have brought her to climax. If you trap her head under the covers for the purpose of flatulent entertainment, she's officially your girlfriend.
11: It is permissible to drink a fruity alcohol drink only when you're sunning on a tropical beach... and it's delivered by a topless model and only when it's free.
12: Only in situations of moral and/or physical peril are you allowed to kick another guy in the nuts.
13: Unless you're in prison, never fight naked.
14: Friends don't let friends wear Speedos. Ever. Issue closed.
15: If a man's fly is down, that's his problem, you didn't see anything.
16: Women who claim they "love to watch sports" must be treated as spies until they demonstrate knowledge of the game and the ability to drink as much as the other sports watchers.
17: A man in the company of a hot, suggestively dressed woman must remain sober enough to fight.
18: Never hesitate to reach for the last beer or the last slice of pizza, but not both, that's just greedy.
19: If you compliment a guy on his six-pack, you'd better be talking about his choice of beer.
20: Never join your girlfriend or wife in discussing a friend of yours, except if she's withholding sex pending your response.
21: Phrases that may NOT be uttered to another man while lifting weights:
a) Yeah, Baby, Push it!
b) C'mon, give me one more! Harder!
c) Another set and we can hit the showers!
22: Never talk to a man in a bathroom unless you are on equal footing: i.e., both urinating, both waiting in line, etc. For all other situations, an almost imperceptible nod is all the conversation you need.
23: Never allow a telephone conversation with a woman to go on longer than you are able to have sex with her. Keep a stopwatch by the phone. Hang up if necessary.
24: The morning after you and a girl who was formerly "just a friend" have carnal, drunken monkey sex, the fact that you're feeling weird and guilty is no reason for you not to nail each other again before the discussion occurs about what a big mistake it was.
25: It is acceptable for you to drive her car. It is not acceptable for her to drive yours.
26: Thou shalt not buy a car in the colors of brown, pink, lime green, orange or sky blue.
27: The girl who replies to the question "What do you want for Christmas?" with "If you loved me, you'd know what I want!" gets an Xbox. End of story.
28: There is no reason for guys to watch Ice Skating or Men's Gymnastics. Ever. We've all heard about people having guts or balls. But do you really know the difference between them? In an effort to keep you informed, the definition of each is listed below:
"GUTS" is arriving home late after a night out with the guys, being assaulted by your wife with a broom, and having the guts to say, "are you still cleaning or are you flying somewhere?"
"BALLS" is coming home late after a night out with the guys smelling of perfume and beer, lipstick on your collar, slapping your wife on the ass and having the balls to say, "You're next!" |
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mbloves L.A.
Star Player
Joined: 21 Feb 2005
Posts: 3886
Location: Hollywood
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| Posted: Tue Jul 04, 2006 11:14 pm Post subject: |
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Haha, quite funny. I only follow a a few of those rules, like no crying in any situation though. Talking in the can and a few more. The other ones are sick and stupid.
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Where's Cokie the Clown when you need him? |
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uberzev
Franchise Player
Joined: 25 Jan 2002
Posts: 19120
Location: SDSU
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| Posted: Tue Jul 04, 2006 11:17 pm Post subject: |
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My IQ just dropped from reading that. 
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Lakers Gonna Lake |
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ocho
Retired Number
Joined: 24 May 2005
Posts: 53836
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| Posted: Wed Jul 05, 2006 12:14 am Post subject: |
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on a somewhat similar note...i had a conversation with a girl tonight and she was saying how guys aren't sentimental. i told her that we can be sentimental, but we do it in different ways. we can communicate a lot through a handshake, a glance, a nod etc. whereas girls rely on talking.
interesting sociological concept. |
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ToughKarl
Star Player
Joined: 09 Jun 2004
Posts: 1101
Location: Orange County
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| Posted: Wed Jul 05, 2006 5:13 am Post subject: |
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Money$hot!
Star Player
Joined: 18 Dec 2002
Posts: 5911
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| Posted: Wed Jul 05, 2006 5:37 am Post subject: |
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| Quote: | 13: Unless you're in prison, never fight naked.
14: Friends don't let friends wear Speedos. Ever. Issue closed. |
This is why wrestling should never EVER be a part of a manly get together. If you took offense to this, calm down Froot Loop, it's jokes. |
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lakers0505
Franchise Player
Joined: 23 Jun 2005
Posts: 10701
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| Posted: Wed Jul 05, 2006 7:04 am Post subject: |
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| da ocho wrote: | on a somewhat similar note...i had a conversation with a girl tonight and she was saying how guys aren't sentimental. i told her that we can be sentimental, but we do it in different ways. we can communicate a lot through a handshake, a glance, a nod etc. whereas girls rely on talking.
interesting sociological concept. |
Women dont want us too be sentimental, thats were most guys strike out at the begining with ladies. After u've dated her and your exclusive let it out, but early on, its a big negative. They want u too be a man, even though you may here otherwise. |
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ShowtimeDynasty_24/7
Star Player
Joined: 04 Mar 2005
Posts: 8361
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| Posted: Wed Jul 05, 2006 8:11 am Post subject: |
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Thugnomoe
Franchise Player
Joined: 19 Jul 2005
Posts: 14660
Location: unfortunately not Los Angeles anymore
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| Posted: Wed Jul 05, 2006 8:17 am Post subject: |
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oh man..this was great...
I love the moral/physical peril one...LOL
and the one about women who watch sports as spies...so true.. |
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Kobe>Lebron
Star Player
Joined: 20 Aug 2002
Posts: 3571
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| Posted: Wed Jul 05, 2006 12:39 pm Post subject: |
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add it to this book:
www.manlaws.com
funny^^^^
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"I was laying myself on the line by saying, if this doesn't work in three to four years, if we're not back on the top then I will step down because that means I have failed,"
Jim Buss (2013) |
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Jesseca328
Star Player
Joined: 28 Sep 2004
Posts: 2488
Location: So Cal
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| Posted: Wed Jul 05, 2006 8:31 pm Post subject: |
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| lakers0505 wrote: | | da ocho wrote: | on a somewhat similar note...i had a conversation with a girl tonight and she was saying how guys aren't sentimental. i told her that we can be sentimental, but we do it in different ways. we can communicate a lot through a handshake, a glance, a nod etc. whereas girls rely on talking.
interesting sociological concept. |
Women dont want us too be sentimental, thats were most guys strike out at the begining with ladies. After u've dated her and your exclusive let it out, but early on, its a big negative. They want u too be a man, even though you may here otherwise. |
^ I just had a similar situation like that this weekend, ugh!! I agree with what you said but the same goes for a girl... If we let our guard down and start spilling our guts right away we'll get screwd over for sure...
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PDTP: where legends are made  
ALPHA ~ LakerSanity ~ 24 ~ Exick ~ ElginBaylor ~ TheBigRuski ~ re4ee ~ JerryMagicKobe ~ mbloves L.A. ~ unggoy ~ encina1~ Jesseca328 ~ phayze one ~ Flo'z |
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lakers0505
Franchise Player
Joined: 23 Jun 2005
Posts: 10701
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| Posted: Thu Jul 06, 2006 9:18 am Post subject: |
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| Jesseca328 wrote: | | lakers0505 wrote: | | da ocho wrote: | on a somewhat similar note...i had a conversation with a girl tonight and she was saying how guys aren't sentimental. i told her that we can be sentimental, but we do it in different ways. we can communicate a lot through a handshake, a glance, a nod etc. whereas girls rely on talking.
interesting sociological concept. |
Women dont want us too be sentimental, thats were most guys strike out at the begining with ladies. After u've dated her and your exclusive let it out, but early on, its a big negative. They want u too be a man, even though you may here otherwise. |
^ I just had a similar situation like that this weekend, ugh!! I agree with what you said but the same goes for a girl... If we let our guard down and start spilling our guts right away we'll get screwd over for sure... |
Its all about the power guys, u want too be in control. Its not about looks (too an extent and ill get back too this), or personality, or blah. Its about skills, and most guys simply dont have it. Some have it naturaly , some need too work on it.
About the looks part now, u may be butt ugly, but if u dont care about how u look, your dead right away. U should know how too dress, and take care of yourself, be presentable at all time. Interesting thing here, what do women notice first? Your face, or if your skirt is pressed/shoes are clean/ and if u have style. Its the latter, women look at your style, and your CONFIDENCE fellas. Its all about CONFIDENCE. Dont walk around with your head down and mopping, you've struck out right away if u walk up too a girl like that.
Pick up like are NO GOOD. If u have one, dump it, if u think about one and its your "go too line" DUMP it.
Dont give up the power, keep control, its called "push and pulling".
Their is more, anyone interested, then ask damn it, too much too type out. We'll start a new thread called Skills.
* Im not sure about this, but from my knowledge, looks arent supposed too matter too women. Ive heard otherwise from women that say are concieted thatsay its all about the looks, but i have conflicting reports on this theory. I happen too believe women are interesteed in that, but its a 50/50 thing, too me as of right now, would any of the L.G ladies like too put in their input into this theory.
But i would seriously think its help not being unattractive, i mean having a good body, and nice face should help,shouldnt it? |
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lakers0505
Franchise Player
Joined: 23 Jun 2005
Posts: 10701
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| Posted: Thu Jul 06, 2006 9:23 am Post subject: |
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| Jesseca328 wrote: | | lakers0505 wrote: | | da ocho wrote: | on a somewhat similar note...i had a conversation with a girl tonight and she was saying how guys aren't sentimental. i told her that we can be sentimental, but we do it in different ways. we can communicate a lot through a handshake, a glance, a nod etc. whereas girls rely on talking.
interesting sociological concept. |
Women dont want us too be sentimental, thats were most guys strike out at the begining with ladies. After u've dated her and your exclusive let it out, but early on, its a big negative. They want u too be a man, even though you may here otherwise. |
^ I just had a similar situation like that this weekend, ugh!! I agree with what you said but the same goes for a girl... If we let our guard down and start spilling our guts right away we'll get screwd over for sure... |
Yea spilling your guts, is a HUGE mistake early on, even if we like you, because u go from a nice person, even if your hot...to an instant threat, if that makes any sense. When a women starts getting mushy and were friends or even if she's good looking too, an internal alarm goes of literaly, looks dont help u here, sorry ladies...and thats saying alot with us being men, who care alot about it. |
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AirKobe8
Star Player
Joined: 30 Jan 2005
Posts: 8586
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| Posted: Thu Jul 06, 2006 4:44 pm Post subject: |
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| Quote: | | "BALLS" is coming home late after a night out with the guys smelling of perfume and beer, lipstick on your collar, slapping your wife on the ass and having the balls to say, "You're next!" |
Any dude who did that would be my new god.
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www.lakersbrasil.com
Fan site made by me and others, dedicated to posting Laker news and articles in portuguese. |
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lakers0505
Franchise Player
Joined: 23 Jun 2005
Posts: 10701
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| Posted: Thu Jul 06, 2006 4:53 pm Post subject: |
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| AirKobe8 wrote: | | Quote: | | "BALLS" is coming home late after a night out with the guys smelling of perfume and beer, lipstick on your collar, slapping your wife on the ass and having the balls to say, "You're next!" |
Any dude who did that would be my new god. |
Any dude who did that, would be around the town looking for ass everyday, because he wont be getting none at home. Now if the wife aint worth a second look, then its understandable. |
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O Nasty
Rookie
Joined: 06 Jul 2006
Posts: 4
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| Posted: Thu Jul 06, 2006 11:58 pm Post subject: |
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| pretty funny |
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Jesseca328
Star Player
Joined: 28 Sep 2004
Posts: 2488
Location: So Cal
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| Posted: Fri Jul 07, 2006 12:25 am Post subject: |
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| lakers0505 wrote: | | Jesseca328 wrote: | | lakers0505 wrote: | | da ocho wrote: | on a somewhat similar note...i had a conversation with a girl tonight and she was saying how guys aren't sentimental. i told her that we can be sentimental, but we do it in different ways. we can communicate a lot through a handshake, a glance, a nod etc. whereas girls rely on talking.
interesting sociological concept. |
Women dont want us too be sentimental, thats were most guys strike out at the begining with ladies. After u've dated her and your exclusive let it out, but early on, its a big negative. They want u too be a man, even though you may here otherwise. |
^ I just had a similar situation like that this weekend, ugh!! I agree with what you said but the same goes for a girl... If we let our guard down and start spilling our guts right away we'll get screwd over for sure... |
Yea spilling your guts, is a HUGE mistake early on, even if we like you, because u go from a nice person, even if your hot...to an instant threat, if that makes any sense. When a women starts getting mushy and were friends or even if she's good looking too, an internal alarm goes of literaly, looks dont help u here, sorry ladies...and thats saying alot with us being men, who care alot about it. |
Hahaha yeah i know that dude... Same for girls tho, well for me.... Too much mushy ish and its like "WTF we just met?!?!! ".... I think it depends on the girl tho also... If the girl believes all the BS the guy is saying, "good luck to her!!"
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PDTP: where legends are made
ALPHA ~ LakerSanity ~ 24 ~ Exick ~ ElginBaylor ~ TheBigRuski ~ re4ee ~ JerryMagicKobe ~ mbloves L.A. ~ unggoy ~ encina1~ Jesseca328 ~ phayze one ~ Flo'z |
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