I wouldn't ask her personally. But maybe that's because I'm kind of stubborn. I've asked girls in the past when I was young, and it never really helped. All it did was make me question my own value as a person.
Eventually I just learned to accept who I am. Of course I continually try to improve... but not to try to cater to someone else.
Does it really matter if you know why she isn't interested anymore? You are you. If she's not interested then you're not the right match. That does not mean that there's something wrong with you.
So if you can look at yourself in the mirror and honestly be happy about the man that you are; then you just have to move on. She could be a great girl and you could be a great guy. That doesn't mean that you're destined to be together.
If her mind is a 10 then she wouldn't think you're weak for asking for reasoning.
I think that would be a gamble on my part...
Well, from where you're sitting you've got nothing to lose so it's not really a gamble to find out is it?
she has the preconceived misconception that I am some strong person who doesn't show too much erratic emotion... I guess I have LG to thank for this
she said that this is the quality that she likes about me... what would happen if I do go up to her and ask why she doesn't like me anymore? I think she would think less of me
Last edited by 999 on Thu Jul 24, 2014 4:46 pm; edited 1 time in total
Joined: 15 Nov 2006 Posts: 19864 Location: Prarie & Manchester, high above the western sideline
Posted: Thu Jul 24, 2014 4:43 pm Post subject:
LAKERSCMXCIX wrote:
jonnybravo wrote:
LAKERSCMXCIX wrote:
C M B wrote:
LAKERSCMXCIX wrote:
I said her looks are a 5 but her mind is a 10....
If her mind is a 10 then she wouldn't think you're weak for asking for reasoning.
I think that would be a gamble on my part...
Well, from where you're sitting you've got nothing to lose so it's not really a gamble to find out is it?
she has the preconceived misconception that I am some strong person who doesn't show too much erratic emotion... I guess I have LG to thank for this
she said that this is the quality that she likes about me... what would happen if I do go up to her and ask why she doesn't like me anymore?
possibilities:
1.) You get an answer that satisfies you.
2.) You get an answer that confuses/deceives you or is otherwise unsatisfying, or else no answer at all.
3.) You fill a container with a liquid of her choosing and pretend she's one of those "HUNGRY VET PLEASE HELP"s standing at the Euclid offramp of the 22. _________________ http://chickhearn.ytmnd.com/
If her mind is a 10 then she wouldn't think you're weak for asking for reasoning.
I think that would be a gamble on my part...
Well, from where you're sitting you've got nothing to lose so it's not really a gamble to find out is it?
she has the preconceived misconception that I am some strong person who doesn't show too much erratic emotion... I guess I have LG to thank for this
she said that this is the quality that she likes about me... what would happen if I do go up to her and ask why she doesn't like me anymore?
possibilities:
1.) You get an answer that satisfies you.
2.) You get an answer that confuses/deceives you or is otherwise unsatisfying, or else no answer at all.
3.) You fill a container with a liquid of her choosing and pretend she's one of those "HUNGRY VET PLEASE HELP"s standing at the Euclid offramp of the 22.
HAHA.... santa ana and westminister? you know I wont get any money off of that off ramp?
Last edited by 999 on Thu Jul 24, 2014 4:50 pm; edited 1 time in total
It sounds like you've got it and it's bad. You miss a day without your friend and your whole life is out of track. You know you've got it bad when you're stuck in the house and you don't want to have any fun...it's all you think about.
tell me about it... im all (bleep) up... .. she just stopped texting me... now Its done... trying to stop thinking about her is tough
I've been there, done it, messed around, after all that...this is what I found nobody wants to be alone. Just don't let it get to the point where when you're out with someone...but you keep on thinkin' bout somebody else. That's when you got it bad.
It sounds like you've got it and it's bad. You miss a day without your friend and your whole life is out of track. You know you've got it bad when you're stuck in the house and you don't want to have any fun...it's all you think about.
tell me about it... im all (bleep) up... .. she just stopped texting me... now Its done... trying to stop thinking about her is tough
I've been there, done it, messed around, after all that...this is what I found nobody wants to be alone. Just don't let it get to the point where when you're out with someone...but you keep on thinkin' bout somebody else. That's when you got it bad.
Sorry to hear about what you are currently going through, OP, I am kind of going through something similar.. with that said, the quotes surrounding your own are making me
Joined: 15 Nov 2006 Posts: 19864 Location: Prarie & Manchester, high above the western sideline
Posted: Thu Jul 24, 2014 5:29 pm Post subject:
LAKERSCMXCIX wrote:
C M B wrote:
LAKERSCMXCIX wrote:
jonnybravo wrote:
LAKERSCMXCIX wrote:
C M B wrote:
LAKERSCMXCIX wrote:
I said her looks are a 5 but her mind is a 10....
If her mind is a 10 then she wouldn't think you're weak for asking for reasoning.
I think that would be a gamble on my part...
Well, from where you're sitting you've got nothing to lose so it's not really a gamble to find out is it?
she has the preconceived misconception that I am some strong person who doesn't show too much erratic emotion... I guess I have LG to thank for this
she said that this is the quality that she likes about me... what would happen if I do go up to her and ask why she doesn't like me anymore?
possibilities:
1.) You get an answer that satisfies you.
2.) You get an answer that confuses/deceives you or is otherwise unsatisfying, or else no answer at all.
3.) You fill a container with a liquid of her choosing and pretend she's one of those "HUNGRY VET PLEASE HELP"s standing at the Euclid offramp of the 22.
HAHA.... santa ana and westminister? you know I wont get any money off of that off ramp?
Joined: 10 Dec 2006 Posts: 52652 Location: Making a safety stop at 15 feet.
Posted: Thu Jul 24, 2014 5:52 pm Post subject:
LAKERSCMXCIX wrote:
jonnybravo wrote:
LAKERSCMXCIX wrote:
C M B wrote:
LAKERSCMXCIX wrote:
I said her looks are a 5 but her mind is a 10....
If her mind is a 10 then she wouldn't think you're weak for asking for reasoning.
I think that would be a gamble on my part...
Well, from where you're sitting you've got nothing to lose so it's not really a gamble to find out is it?
she has the preconceived misconception that I am some strong person who doesn't show too much erratic emotion... I guess I have LG to thank for this
she said that this is the quality that she likes about me... what would happen if I do go up to her and ask why she doesn't like me anymore?
As an 18 year old kid, you never know.
As a 30+ year-old man, nothing productive.
I know it sucks, but if it's not happening, move on. From what I have seen here it sounds more like an infatuation fed by her becoming elusive. If she has become disinterested, there's nothing to be gained by pressing the issue.
You have a better chance by just laying off and moving on. If there's any chance of getting back on a dating track with her, it's most likely going to happen by giving her space. If she ever really liked you, there's a shot that she'll think of you and think, "I haven't heard from him in awhile. He was pretty cool. Maybe I should call and say 'Hi'".
But in your position, "Why don't you like me anymore" is going to come off as a high school kid move. Not something a woman is going to be into that kind of guy - and if she was, I would run for the hills because she is immature and fickle.
Interesting and intelligent women of that age don't play those kind of games.
worst feeling in the world _________________ Phil Jackson (June 17th, 2009):"What was our model of this team? The Ring, the ring, that was the model. Its not just this band of gold, its the circle that's made a bond between all of these players, a great love for one another, its a great feeling."
Joined: 09 Dec 2009 Posts: 4330 Location: Meeting the man who met Andy Griffith.
Posted: Thu Jul 24, 2014 6:55 pm Post subject:
Seriously you should come hang out with your uncle Dladi for night. I'll make you forget to remember any memories of her.
I CAN GET YOU SO MUCH HONEY YOU CAN SWIM IN IT! You can swim, can't 'cha darlin'? _________________ "The best there is. The best there was. The best there ever will be.", said Bret Hart regarding the Los Angeles Lakers.
Joined: 09 Dec 2009 Posts: 4330 Location: Meeting the man who met Andy Griffith.
Posted: Thu Jul 24, 2014 6:55 pm Post subject:
Touch me and I'll sue. _________________ "The best there is. The best there was. The best there ever will be.", said Bret Hart regarding the Los Angeles Lakers.
Joined: 01 Mar 2004 Posts: 5301 Location: Redondo Beach
Posted: Thu Jul 24, 2014 7:21 pm Post subject:
DaMuleRules wrote:
LAKERSCMXCIX wrote:
jonnybravo wrote:
LAKERSCMXCIX wrote:
C M B wrote:
LAKERSCMXCIX wrote:
I said her looks are a 5 but her mind is a 10....
If her mind is a 10 then she wouldn't think you're weak for asking for reasoning.
I think that would be a gamble on my part...
Well, from where you're sitting you've got nothing to lose so it's not really a gamble to find out is it?
she has the preconceived misconception that I am some strong person who doesn't show too much erratic emotion... I guess I have LG to thank for this
she said that this is the quality that she likes about me... what would happen if I do go up to her and ask why she doesn't like me anymore?
As an 18 year old kid, you never know.
As a 30+ year-old man, nothing productive.
I know it sucks, but if it's not happening, move on. From what I have seen here it sounds more like an infatuation fed by her becoming elusive. If she has become disinterested, there's nothing to be gained by pressing the issue.
You have a better chance by just laying off and moving on. If there's any chance of getting back on a dating track with her, it's most likely going to happen by giving her space. If she ever really liked you, there's a shot that she'll think of you and think, "I haven't heard from him in awhile. He was pretty cool. Maybe I should call and say 'Hi'".
But in your position, "Why don't you like me anymore" is going to come off as a high school kid move. Not something a woman is going to be into that kind of guy - and if she was, I would run for the hills because she is immature and fickle.
Interesting and intelligent women of that age don't play those kind of games.
LAKERSCMXCIX, if you created this thread to get quality advice, listen to DaMuleRules here - he's right. Don't waste your time chasing an imagined "one that got away", because you never had her. Likely, you're more interested in your idealized version of this girl instead of the actual quality of the relationship you had together. You remind me of that main character in "500 days of summer" (good movie if you haven't seen it yet). Go watch it if you haven't already, and then keep this in mind what the actor said about his character:
The (500) Days of Summer attitude of “He wants you so bad” seems attractive to some women and men, especially younger ones, but I would encourage anyone who has a crush on my character to watch it again and examine how selfish he is. He develops a mildly delusional obsession over a girl onto whom he projects all these fantasies. He thinks she’ll give his life meaning because he doesn’t care about much else going on in his life. A lot of boys and girls think their lives will have meaning if they find a partner who wants nothing else in life but them. That’s not healthy. That’s falling in love with the idea of a person, not the actual person.
So I bit the bullet and had a long constructive talk with her needless to say I should have never reached out to her. (bleep) women!!!! I should have left this alone and walked away. And never talk to her again. I feel like such an idiot. This was not how I pictured it if she said no. Thought I able to handle it. (bleep) (bleep) (bleep).
I'll save you folks the 3 hour god dam conversation. She put me in the friend zone and she's not attracted to me that way she already like some other ass hole and she is looking for a different type of guy. The worst part is she gave me a chance but I didn't meet her expectations.
(bleep)!!!! I'm so mad with myself. I know I'm better than this. Sorry for the rant but you guys are my only outlet
Last edited by 999 on Thu Jul 24, 2014 10:41 pm; edited 1 time in total
If her mind is a 10 then she wouldn't think you're weak for asking for reasoning.
I think that would be a gamble on my part...
Well, from where you're sitting you've got nothing to lose so it's not really a gamble to find out is it?
she has the preconceived misconception that I am some strong person who doesn't show too much erratic emotion... I guess I have LG to thank for this
she said that this is the quality that she likes about me... what would happen if I do go up to her and ask why she doesn't like me anymore?
As an 18 year old kid, you never know.
As a 30+ year-old man, nothing productive.
I know it sucks, but if it's not happening, move on. From what I have seen here it sounds more like an infatuation fed by her becoming elusive. If she has become disinterested, there's nothing to be gained by pressing the issue.
You have a better chance by just laying off and moving on. If there's any chance of getting back on a dating track with her, it's most likely going to happen by giving her space. If she ever really liked you, there's a shot that she'll think of you and think, "I haven't heard from him in awhile. He was pretty cool. Maybe I should call and say 'Hi'".
But in your position, "Why don't you like me anymore" is going to come off as a high school kid move. Not something a woman is going to be into that kind of guy - and if she was, I would run for the hills because she is immature and fickle.
Interesting and intelligent women of that age don't play those kind of games.
LAKERSCMXCIX, if you created this thread to get quality advice, listen to DaMuleRules here - he's right. Don't waste your time chasing an imagined "one that got away", because you never had her. Likely, you're more interested in your idealized version of this girl instead of the actual quality of the relationship you had together. You remind me of that main character in "500 days of summer" (good movie if you haven't seen it yet). Go watch it if you haven't already, and then keep this in mind what the actor said about his character:
The (500) Days of Summer attitude of “He wants you so bad” seems attractive to some women and men, especially younger ones, but I would encourage anyone who has a crush on my character to watch it again and examine how selfish he is. He develops a mildly delusional obsession over a girl onto whom he projects all these fantasies. He thinks she’ll give his life meaning because he doesn’t care about much else going on in his life. A lot of boys and girls think their lives will have meaning if they find a partner who wants nothing else in life but them. That’s not healthy. That’s falling in love with the idea of a person, not the actual person.
Girls just like streetcars, _________________ “It took many years of vomiting up all the filth I’d been taught about myself, and half-believed, before I was able to walk on the earth as though I had a right to be here.”
― James Baldwin, Collected Essays
So I bit the bullet and had a long constructive talk with her needless to say I should have never reached out to her. (bleep) women!!!! I should have left this alone and walked away. And never talk to her again. I feel like such an idiot. This was not how I pictured it if she said no. Thought I able to handle it. (bleep) (bleep) (bleep).
I'll save you folks the 3 hour god dam conversation. She put me in the friend zone and she's not attracted to me that way she already like some other (bleep) and she is looking for a different type of guy. The worst part is she gave me a chance but I didn't meet her expectations.
(bleep)!!!! I'm so mad with myself. I know I'm better than this. Sorry for the rant but you guys are my only outlet
Long life man. You'll have your day in the sun. And how many woman have you dissed in a similar fashion. There are no innocents here. _________________ “It took many years of vomiting up all the filth I’d been taught about myself, and half-believed, before I was able to walk on the earth as though I had a right to be here.”
― James Baldwin, Collected Essays
So I bit the bullet and had a long constructive talk with her needless to say I should have never reached out to her. (bleep) women!!!! I should have left this alone and walked away. And never talk to her again. I feel like such an idiot. This was not how I pictured it if she said no. Thought I able to handle it. (bleep) (bleep) (bleep).
I'll save you folks the 3 hour god dam conversation. She put me in the friend zone and she's not attracted to me that way she already like some other (bleep) and she is looking for a different type of guy. The worst part is she gave me a chance but I didn't meet her expectations.
(bleep)!!!! I'm so mad with myself. I know I'm better than this. Sorry for the rant but you guys are my only outlet
Most of us have been there, but if she isn't into you enough to look past you "messing up" then she wasn't worth it in the first place. You live and learn to not put it on the pedestal, you get tired of hearing people say "the right one will come around" but it's true. Be happy with you, tune a few things up a bit and feel secure knowing you'll find the right one you can go nuts over but not drive yourself nuts over.
if you didn't bite the bullet, there's that chance you might never be able to move on, you might find yourself asking "what ifs" ... at least, you get to have closure. _________________ "Now, if life is coffee, then the jobs, money & position in society are the cups. They are just tools to hold & contain life, but the quality of life doesn't change. Sometimes, by concentrating only on the cup, we fail to enjoy the coffee in it."
So I bit the bullet and had a long constructive talk with her needless to say I should have never reached out to her. (bleep) women!!!! I should have left this alone and walked away. And never talk to her again. I feel like such an idiot. This was not how I pictured it if she said no. Thought I able to handle it. (bleep) (bleep) (bleep).
I'll save you folks the 3 hour god dam conversation. She put me in the friend zone and she's not attracted to me that way she already like some other (bleep) and she is looking for a different type of guy. The worst part is she gave me a chance but I didn't meet her expectations.
(bleep)!!!! I'm so mad with myself. I know I'm better than this. Sorry for the rant but you guys are my only outlet
You're too (bleep) nice. That's the problem. A lot of girls/women don't want nice. You have to size up the woman you want and figure out what she wants. Some girls like nice guys, but plenty of girls like a bad boy. Bad boys are more of a challenge. You made the game too easy. She did not want to join a club that would have her as a member. Don't do that (bleep). Sorry I didn't read this thread earlier, I could have saved you three hours of dreary bull excrement. Worse, you put the (bleep) in charge of the situation.
And best of all, as a bad boy you could have taken a piss on her. Now go out there and seek your inner bad.
Joined: 31 Jan 2002 Posts: 6879 Location: Los Angeles/Barcelona
Posted: Fri Jul 25, 2014 4:20 am Post subject:
LAKERSCMXCIX wrote:
So I bit the bullet and had a long constructive talk with her needless to say I should have never reached out to her. (bleep) women!!!! I should have left this alone and walked away. And never talk to her again. I feel like such an idiot. This was not how I pictured it if she said no. Thought I able to handle it. (bleep) (bleep) (bleep).
I'll save you folks the 3 hour god dam conversation. She put me in the friend zone and she's not attracted to me that way she already like some other (bleep) and she is looking for a different type of guy. The worst part is she gave me a chance but I didn't meet her expectations.
(bleep)!!!! I'm so mad with myself. I know I'm better than this. Sorry for the rant but you guys are my only outlet
Hate to say this but patience is a virtue and you probably bleep'ed up the opportunity. Guys we actually fall in love quick. How often do men not like a woman and magically realize that we are in love with her later on? It just really doesn't happen. We know almost immediately. Women on the other hand tend to take a long time to fall in love even if they are attracted to a guy. But when they fall in love they really fall in love.
In the future, you have to really gauge a girl's initial interest very carefully. You can't show her you're into her that much, otherwise, most girls will lose interest. You have to show enough that you're attracted to her but not necessarily in love with her, which you probably showed from the get-go. Girls want to be wanted initially, not to be loved. The love part comes later.
You have to straddle the line between flirting and slipping away. This is zone where she knows you're into her but she also doubts it as well. Once you are able to be in this zone and master this zone, you can use time and your availability as a way to break her down. In the meantime you have to show extreme amounts of self confidence, independence, humor, strength and intelligence. Is this playing games? Probably, but attracting women has a formula. Not everyone has the same results, but everyone should go for the sure-fire method.
Finally, never get into a binary yes-no situation with a girl unless you want her to say no. Girls are risk averse, especially if they're not sold on the yet.
Have to be patient with women. ALWAYS! Unless it's one of those rare situations where both people are instantly attracted to each other. At that point, it really doesn't matter what you do.
So I bit the bullet and had a long constructive talk with her needless to say I should have never reached out to her. (bleep) women!!!! I should have left this alone and walked away. And never talk to her again. I feel like such an idiot. This was not how I pictured it if she said no. Thought I able to handle it. (bleep) (bleep) (bleep).
I'll save you folks the 3 hour god dam conversation. She put me in the friend zone and she's not attracted to me that way she already like some other (bleep) and she is looking for a different type of guy. The worst part is she gave me a chance but I didn't meet her expectations.
(bleep)!!!! I'm so mad with myself. I know I'm better than this. Sorry for the rant but you guys are my only outlet
Here's the lesson learned from this ... in general, you shouldn't need to ask why. There's typically only one answer as to why someone doesn't like you and that's because they're just not that in to you.
People like to say things like "I'm just not looking for a relationship right now" or "It's just bad timing" but in the vast majority of cases, that just isn't true whether they know it or not. The reality is, people meet and fall in love when they aren't looking or expect to, and they do so when the timing isn't ideal either, so that's not really a reason, it's an excuse.
I think a lot of people focus too much on when should I call/text, where should we go, what should do, and try to maximize their likelihood of success. But if this thing is really going to work out, none of those things ultimately matter. And I know this because I'm pretty sure you wouldn't say, man, why did she call before the 48 hour rule, I'm out.
As for the point that DMR brought up, I agree. The infatuation is a result of her elusiveness. Hey, it's human nature to want what we can't have.
As for the posters saying you were too nice, or you have to do this or do that, there is only one thing you should do. Be yourself. Once you start acting less nice than you are, once you start worrying about acting less interested, once you start playing "games", that WILL increase your chance of getting laid as a general rule, but you're just delaying the inevitable. At some point, the real you is going to come out. And if she's just not that in to the real you, it's a lot better to rip off the bandaid after a few dates than a few years.
Joined: 10 Dec 2006 Posts: 52652 Location: Making a safety stop at 15 feet.
Posted: Fri Jul 25, 2014 5:16 am Post subject:
LAKERSCMXCIX wrote:
The worst part is she gave me a chance but I didn't meet her expectations.
Then consider this time saved, because you never were going to
You're not going to find a good relationship by trying to chase some idea of what a woman wants you to be. Even if you are successful at first, it's not going to last - and be real dude, do you really want to put in that effort for someone who doesn't want you, but wants her version of you? That's only going to work so long anyway, and then she's going to find some reason you aren't really that version and then be turned off that you aren't.
You keep acting like you messed something up. There was nothing really to mess up. Your best case scenario with this one was that you were going to find a way to bend to her expectations and she was going to like that. Inevitably the only way that kind of thing lasts is you manage to keep with her manipulations until she gets tired of pulling the strings.
I know it's not how you feel at the moment, but you dodged a bullet.
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