Los Angeles Clippers Jokes

999 · Franchise Player Joined: 19 Oct 2006 Posts: 20266

Q: What do you call an Los Angeles Clippers player with a championship ring?
A: A thief.

Q: What's the difference between the Los Angeles Clippers and a dollar bill?
A: You can still get four quarters out of a dollar bill.

Q: What do the Los Angeles Clippers and possums have in common?
A: Both play dead at home and get killed on the road!

Q: What is the difference between a Clippers fan and a baby?
A: The baby will stop whining after awhile.

Q: How many Los Angeles Clippers players does it take to change a tire?
A: One, unless it's a blowout, in which case they all show up

Q: What do you call 12 millionaires around a TV watching the NBA Finals?
A: The Los Angeles Clippers.

Q: How do you keep an Los Angeles Clippers player out of your yard?
A: Put up a basketball net.

Q: What is a Los Angeles Clippers fan's favorite whine?
A: "We can't beat the Lakers."

Q: How do you stop an Los Angeles Clippers fan from beating his wife?
A: Dress her in Los Angeles Purple and Gold!

Q: What is th difference between a bucket of (bleep) and an Los Angeles Clippers fan?
A: The bucket.

Q: If you have a car containing a Clippers power forward, a Clippers point guard, and a Clippers center, who is driving the car?
A: The cop.

Q: How do you casterate an Los Angeles Clippers fan?
A: Kick his sister in the mouth

Q: What should you do if you find three Los Angeles Clippers basketball fans buried up to their neck in cement?
A: Get more cement.

Q: What's the difference between an Los Angeles Clippers fan and a carp?
A: One is a bottom-feeding, scum sucker, and the other is a fish.

Q. How did the Los Angeles Clippers fan die from drinking milk?
A. The cow fell on him!

Q: What does an Los Angeles Clippers fan do when his team has won the NBA Finals?
A: He turns off the PlayStation 3.

Q: How many Los Angeles Clippers fans does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: None. Lava lamps don’t burn out man!

Q: What does a Los Angeles Clippers fan and a bottle of beer have in common?
A: They’re both empty from the neck up.

Q: Why do Los Angeles Clippers fans keep their season tickets on their dashboards?
A: So they can park in handicap spaces.

Q: How do the Clippers spend the first week of training camp?
A: Studying the Miranda Rights

Q: How do you keep a Clippers fan from masterbating?
A: You paint his dick Los Angeles purple and gold and he won't beat it for 4 years!

Q. Why do ducks fly over Staples Center upside down?
A. There's nothing worth craping on!

Q: What do you call a Los Angeles Clipper in the NBA Finals?
A: A referee.

Q: Did you hear that the Clippers basketball team doesn't have a website?
A: They can't string three "Ws" together.

Yo mama is so stupid she went to the clippers game for a haircut

Clippers Fan

A Clippers fan dies on match day and goes to heaven in his Royal Blue and Red jersey. He knocks on the old pearly gates and out walks St. Peter.
"Hello mate" says St. Peter, "I'm sorry, no Clippers fans in heaven."
"What ?" exclaims the man, astonished.
"You heard, no Clippers fans."
"But, but, but, I've been a good man", replies the Clippers supporter.
"Oh really", says St. Peter. "What have you done, then ?"
"Well" said the supporter, "Three weeks before I died, I gave 100 dollars to the starving children in Africa".
"Oh" says St.Peter. "anything else?"
"Well, 2 weeks before I died I also gave 100 dollars to the homeless."
"Hmmm. Anything else?"
"Yeah. A week before I died I gave 100 dollars to the Albanian orphans."
"Okay", said St. Peter, "You wait here a minute while I have a word with the god."
Ten minutes pass before St. Peter returns.
He looks the bloke in the eye and says, "I've had a word with God and he agrees with me. Here's your $300 dollars back, now (bleep) off".

Genie
A Clippers fan and a Lakers fan stumble upon a magic lamp.
The Clippers fan gets to it first, picks it up and gives it a rub. There's a flash, a puff of smoke, and a genie appears
The genie looks at the 2 men and demands to know who it was that rubbed the lamp. Delighted, the Clippers fan announces that it was him.
"Okay," says the genie, "So you get 3 wishes. But there's a catch."
"What's that then?" asks the 'Gers fan.
"Well, whatever you wish for, I'll give the other guy double."
"That's alright with me," says the Clippers fan, and starts the ball rolling by wishing for a million pounds.
"Granted!" says the genie, "But the Lakers fan gets 2 million."
"Fair enough. Now, I'd like a nice new Ferrari,"
"Done. But the Lakers fan gets 2 Ferraris."
"Okay," says the Clippers fan, "I'd like to donate a kidney.

Baron Davis

Baron Davis walks into a sperm donor bank in London...
"I'd like to donate some sperm" he says to the receptionist.
"Certainly Sir" replies the receptionist, "have you donated before?".
"Yes" replies Baron "you should have my details on your computer".
"Oh yes, I've found your details" says the receptionist "but I see you're going to need help. Shall I call your wife for you?"
"Why do I need help?" asks Baron . The receptionist replies
"Well, it says on your record that you're a useless wanker...."

Condoms

What's clear and goes on a prick? A clear condom,
What's black and goes on a prick? A black condom,
What's royal blue and red and goes on a prick? A Clippers Jersey.

Thats A Problem
What do you call 10 Los Angeles Clippers fans on the moon?
A problem.
What do you call 100 Los Angeles Clippers fans on the moon?
A problem.
What do you call 1000 Los Angeles Clippers fans on the moon?
Still a problem.
what do you call all of the Los Angeles Clippers fans on the moon?
PROBLEM SOLVED!

lakerglory · Posted: Fri Apr 24, 2015 11:13 am Post subject:

The Clippers had the best package deal in town from 1990-1998 For $65.00 bucks... included two tickets to the game (at the sports arena), parking, nachos, soda and if you brought your tennis shoes you got to play in the fourth quarter after they got blown out just about by anyone in the NBA. No joke

C M B · Posted: Sat Apr 25, 2015 12:01 am Post subject:

numero-ocho · Posted: Sat Apr 25, 2015 8:39 am Post subject:

Some of these are funny but not as funny as the Clippers joke that went on for the entire second half last night.
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dgh425 · Rookie Joined: 06 May 2015 Posts: 23

Conker · Posted: Thu May 07, 2015 1:40 pm Post subject:

I'm getting too old for this (bleep).
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dgh425 · Rookie Joined: 06 May 2015 Posts: 23