Times you were a dumbass

C M B · Posted: Fri Jul 10, 2015 8:06 am Post subject: Times you were a dumbass

9 years old
flintstones vitamins for the first time
this stuff is so cash
it'd be delicious to eat all of these in a bowl with milk
after school one day, nobody else home
commence operation fruity pebbles
disgusting
better finish the whole bowl or mom will find out
oh(bleep)whatareyoudoing.jpg
convulsive vomiting with the force of a thousand suns for 3 hours
feel vaguely unwell for next 7-10 days
probably took blood minerals to toxic levels, damaging organs
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Don Draper · Posted: Fri Jul 10, 2015 8:40 am Post subject:

Sprayed Lysol backwards into my mouth and eyes by accident once.

sickside323 · Posted: Fri Jul 10, 2015 9:07 am Post subject:

first time that i lit a roman candle, i thought that you light the fuse on one end and they shoot out of the other end. i light it, hold it up confidently and wait. it shoots out straight down at me.

999 · Franchise Player Joined: 19 Oct 2006 Posts: 20266

The time I told everyone I threw urine at homeless person

Moses · Posted: Fri Jul 10, 2015 11:03 am Post subject:

Not that long ago actually, I bought 2 cans of soda. One for me and one for a colleague of mine at work.

Thinking I was a funny guy, I shook one of them up, so when my friend opened it, the drink would spray out everywhere. Don't really know why because it wouldn't have even been that funny.

Only problem I had, is somehow when I handed them over, I must've mixed them up, because I gave him his, and as we both opened our cans, mine sprayed all over me, all over my desk, and all over my paperwork that I'd spent ages printing!

Guess that shows what happens when you try to act the fool
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Cutheon · Posted: Fri Jul 10, 2015 11:04 am Post subject:

DaMuleRules · Posted: Fri Jul 10, 2015 11:04 am Post subject:

sickside323 · Posted: Fri Jul 10, 2015 11:21 am Post subject:

Aussiesuede · Franchise Player Joined: 27 Jul 2005 Posts: 10964

I was 8 years old and there was a neighbor girl about 14 or 15, who use to pick on me because my sister did not like her and never wanted to hang out with her. Her little brother and I were good friends though. Fresh off of watching an episode of the Incredible Hulk, I set off to their house to see if my friend wanted to play. About 100 yards from their house, the BIG sister spotted me and said something that set me off. I instantly puffed up my chest and started making an Incredible Hulk growl at her, to which she responded by laughing at me. Not to be deterred, I walked closer and did another Incredible Hulk pose and growl (but was amazed that I didn't turn green and burst out in muscles). She then walks straight up to me and whacks me across the head, sending me tumbling like a rag doll. I gave it one last shot with a 3rd Incredible Hulk pose and growl, to which she started laughing hysterically. I pause, then turn around and sprint home. My parents had just returned from a 2nd Honeymoon to Jamaica, and dad somehow convinced my mom that an ornate ceremonial Machete would make a good souvenir for an 8 year old boy? I sprinted into the house and passed my worried mom who could see my head swelling up and blood running from my nose. I ran straight to my room and grabbed that huge Machete off the wall and took it out it's sheath. Ran back downstairs past my astonished mom and right out the front door with her running behind me yelling for me to stop. That BIG neighbor girl heard the commotion and looked up to see this kid she'd just pummeled in a full sprint wielding a huge machete that was almost as big as he was. Thankfully she turned and started sprinting as well, because I was closing the gap on her and extending the gap on my mom. Had she not ran into her house, my life would have turned out very differently. and yeah, I stuck yet another Incredible Hulk pose for good measure, with her starring out the window at me holding that huge Machete and my mom yelling at me to put it down. That marked the end of being picked on (and also the end of my Incredible Hulk Career)
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Cutheon · Posted: Fri Jul 10, 2015 11:49 am Post subject:

doughboy90650 · Posted: Fri Jul 10, 2015 11:52 am Post subject:

tried to steal a porno mag from a news stand ........ walked fast down the street with said mag to get away ..... forgot that I parked my car in front of news stand.

frijolero01 · Franchise Player Joined: 10 May 2005 Posts: 13324

I was 8 and trying to fart on my brothers face but instead (bleep) my pants. I did what any big boy would do, tell his mommy.

Playing baseball inside the house with a ball of foil as the ball. Brother pitched, swing, and shattered the coffee pot.

I was 9 and my mom didn't let me play with some kids outside because I was always fighting with them. I got upset, kick the closet door mirror and broke it. No more closet door. My clothes were just out there for everyone to see for the next 10 years or so. For the next few weeks, I had to hear my dad's smart ass remarks.

-pretty much anytime I would talk to a girl.

I don't know if you would qualify this as me being a dumbass as much as the teacher was but, in first grade, we had a substitute teacher one day. It was around Easter/Passover. I had finished all of my work and she was handing out a menora coloring page. I asked for one but told me that I could only color it if I were Jewish. I really wanted to color so, I lied and said I was. Came home, showed my mom. She didn't even give a (bleep). she just complimented my work.

Cutheon · Posted: Fri Jul 10, 2015 12:05 pm Post subject:

^That's on the teacher.

frijolero01 · Franchise Player Joined: 10 May 2005 Posts: 13324

Freddie Buckets · Star Player Joined: 08 Oct 2007 Posts: 9131

JerryMagicKobe · Moderator Joined: 28 Jul 2005 Posts: 15100

One of the guys I played basketball with in Jr. High was a big dude who used to smack me on the back of my neck, and I would return the favor by smacking his big ol' forehead.
One day after playing ball and amidst the crowd of hundreds of kids heading towards the classrooms, I heard footsteps approaching from behind. I glanced down behind me to see his familiar black cords over suede Pumas, so I turned on my heel and smacked that forehead.
THWACK!
Time slowed to a standstill as I realized that my palm had smashed into a stranger's face. All of the kids froze motionless, mouths agape, as this large individual progressed quickly through a range of emotions:
Surprise at the suddenness of my attack
Shock as the pain from my blow registered
Anger as he realized that hundreds of schoolmates saw him get slapped in the face
Rage as his enormous mitt wrapped around my throat
Satisfaction as he began to squeeze
And finally he softened his countenance and loosened his grip as I choked out the words "I...thought...you...were...Nate" while pointing to my friend who was standing there in his black cords and stupid Pumas stifiling a laugh.

frijolero01 · Franchise Player Joined: 10 May 2005 Posts: 13324

PLATNUM · Star Player Joined: 17 Dec 2002 Posts: 7124 Location: L.A.

Late 80s. Thought I was a Powell Peralta / Tony Hawk badass and launched myself down a massive quarter pipe. Shredded the hell out of my arm and leg. STILL have some scars to prove it.
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C M B · Posted: Sat Jul 11, 2015 12:30 am Post subject:

C M B · Posted: Sat Jul 11, 2015 12:31 am Post subject:

C M B · Posted: Sat Jul 11, 2015 12:56 am Post subject:

>20 years old
>had no concept of game yet
>social skill rating WRT female gender was milhouse/10
>start new job
>everyone's on friendster. friendster's the happenin' place to be
>treat friendster as my own repository for creeper habits
>friend every remotely attractive female at work at the speed of light
>ogle them once a day, nothing dirty, just autistic wishing and gawking
>friend list swole with 24 people
>almost no men
>find out top hottie at workplace is on there
>ign 10/10
>totally out of my league, not even in the same universe
>gottacatchemall.wav
>request her, she accepts
>ogle her page several times a day, memorize her hobbies & interests verbatim
>get genius casanova idea
>use my intel to make a move
>see her at work one day
>awkwardly force a segue to movies during a hurried conversation
>hereitcomes.jpg
>work in a reference to her favorite movie
>"You know what one of my favorite movies is? Bend it Like Beckham! I love it so much!"
>I felt pretty gay saying it, should've tipped me off
>she cringes, and just says "Oh...that's.......cool..............well I should get back to work, later buddy!"
>she F'ing walks away so fast that she leaves behind a smoke silhouette like in the cartoons
>start thinking about guaranteed suicide methods
>but must first investigate what went wrong
>sign onto friendster
>in upper left hand corner, there's a link that says "See who's visited your profile" in microscopic text
>click it
>it shows UNIQUE VISITS with profile picture and TIMESTAMP
>WHAT IS THIS BULL (bleep)
>I must've visited her page 30+ times in the 2 days prior
>she knows
>delete friendster and never come back to that job
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PLATNUM · Star Player Joined: 17 Dec 2002 Posts: 7124 Location: L.A.

999 · Franchise Player Joined: 19 Oct 2006 Posts: 20266

Peoples Hernandez · Star Player Joined: 11 Apr 2009 Posts: 3727

Peoples Hernandez · Star Player Joined: 11 Apr 2009 Posts: 3727

First dumbass moment of my life? At 5 years old while playing outside I touched the exhaust pipe of a freshly parked motorcycle because it was shiny. First of many dumbass moments.
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