How do you think you'd react if your kid told you they were trans?
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DuncanIdaho
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PostPosted: Thu Nov 24, 2016 10:53 pm    Post subject:

You go LakersSis!! Whatever any of us can do to help you out just let us know
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PostPosted: Thu Nov 24, 2016 11:00 pm    Post subject:

I dont have direct experience with this so I can't claim wisdom on what you might be facing, but I offer my empathy and support in full. This news may not fit into the preconceived path your Dad had for you, or his perception of what your relationship would be. By telling him though you offer him something far more valuable. He gets to see you as you really are. Even if he struggles with it, he will be struggling with the real thing. And you never know. They may surprise you. I'm excited for your future and I hope you are too
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PostPosted: Thu Nov 24, 2016 11:06 pm    Post subject:

Just like when people asked me before we knew the sex of our daughter if I cared if the baby was a girl or boy and I responded "I don't care either way. I'll still be happy," I'd be happy either way. I'd be supportive and still continue to love my kid as much as I do now.

My daughter is 3 and a half right now, but if she was older and came out the first thing I'd try to do is get us the hell of North Carolina if the absurd HB2 was still in effect. Hopefully Roy Cooper wins the recount and helps to overturn it so that's not something I'd have to worry about.
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PostPosted: Thu Nov 24, 2016 11:11 pm    Post subject:

I commend you and wish you the best of luck. Regardless of how this goes, good for you for coming out. Life is too short to be artificial. Be who you want to be, some may not see it this way but it doesn't matter.
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PostPosted: Thu Nov 24, 2016 11:37 pm    Post subject:

The Brain wrote:
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PostPosted: Fri Nov 25, 2016 2:42 am    Post subject:

The only thing I can do is offer support and wish you the best. This is obviously a big step, and you should be commended for it. I've always admired you as a very intelligent poster on LG and patently a good person (and one of my many favorites) and that certainly won't change. It may sound trite, but you have a family here. LG's pretty non-judgmental with the unexpected exceptions.

I have two children, ages 7 1/2 and 6 and if they eventually come out as trans (or homosexual - or something besides "normal") my love for them would not change in any way whatsoever.

I've known quite a few individuals in your or similar situations, and though the road isn't always easy, for each of them it got better over time. But, that's a relatively small sample size.

I know it isn't all that similar, but I was raised in an extremely devout Mormon family. I "came out" and quit the church over twenty years ago. My dad was okay with it (which was surprising - he's a Mormon bishop) but my mom didn't talk to me for about two years because she was so hurt (and I had a couple of siblings [I'm the oldest of seven] that basically followed my lead which she blamed me for) which was no fun. But as it is wont to do, time (cliche, I know) tends to heal wounds. Now my mom is my pretty much my best friend again and I love her to pieces like I always have.

In any event, I hope it goes well for you in the future and with your dad. And again, your bravery is to be commended. Be well.

Hell. If your brother and dad are concerned about anything, it should be that you're a fan of Bynum.


Last edited by Lowest Merion on Fri Nov 25, 2016 5:07 am; edited 2 times in total
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PostPosted: Fri Nov 25, 2016 4:11 am    Post subject:

Don't have kids but I know for a fact I wouldn't give a fack one way or another as long as they were happy. My only concern would be (as others have mentioned) that their path is going to be a difficult one in this world. Good on you my friend.
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PostPosted: Fri Nov 25, 2016 8:15 am    Post subject:

Lowest Merion wrote:
The only thing I can do is offer support and wish you the best. This is obviously a big step, and you should be commended for it. I've always admired you as a very intelligent poster on LG and patently a good person (and one of my many favorites) and that certainly won't change. It may sound trite, but you have a family here. LG's pretty non-judgmental with the unexpected exceptions.

I have two children, ages 7 1/2 and 6 and if they eventually come out as trans (or homosexual - or something besides "normal") my love for them would not change in any way whatsoever.

I've known quite a few individuals in your or similar situations, and though the road isn't always easy, for each of them it got better over time. But, that's a relatively small sample size.

I know it isn't all that similar, but I was raised in an extremely devout Mormon family. I "came out" and quit the church over twenty years ago. My dad was okay with it (which was surprising - he's a Mormon bishop) but my mom didn't talk to me for about two years because she was so hurt (and I had a couple of siblings [I'm the oldest of seven] that basically followed my lead which she blamed me for) which was no fun. But as it is wont to do, time (cliche, I know) tends to heal wounds. Now my mom is my pretty much my best friend again and I love her to pieces like I always have.

In any event, I hope it goes well for you in the future and with your dad. And again, your bravery is to be commended. Be well.

Hell. If your brother and dad are concerned about anything, it should be that you're a fan of Bynum.


This is an amazing, true and inspiring post.

LM interesting enough, I was also raised in a devout Mormon family howeve, I was the middle of 7 siblings.
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PostPosted: Fri Nov 25, 2016 8:16 am    Post subject:

LakerSanity wrote:
The Brain wrote:
Shoot myself.


Suspended for a month. Next time its a ban.


It's about time.
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PostPosted: Fri Nov 25, 2016 8:35 am    Post subject:

lakerjoshua wrote:
Lowest Merion wrote:
The only thing I can do is offer support and wish you the best. This is obviously a big step, and you should be commended for it. I've always admired you as a very intelligent poster on LG and patently a good person (and one of my many favorites) and that certainly won't change. It may sound trite, but you have a family here. LG's pretty non-judgmental with the unexpected exceptions.

I have two children, ages 7 1/2 and 6 and if they eventually come out as trans (or homosexual - or something besides "normal") my love for them would not change in any way whatsoever.

I've known quite a few individuals in your or similar situations, and though the road isn't always easy, for each of them it got better over time. But, that's a relatively small sample size.

I know it isn't all that similar, but I was raised in an extremely devout Mormon family. I "came out" and quit the church over twenty years ago. My dad was okay with it (which was surprising - he's a Mormon bishop) but my mom didn't talk to me for about two years because she was so hurt (and I had a couple of siblings [I'm the oldest of seven] that basically followed my lead which she blamed me for) which was no fun. But as it is wont to do, time (cliche, I know) tends to heal wounds. Now my mom is my pretty much my best friend again and I love her to pieces like I always have.

In any event, I hope it goes well for you in the future and with your dad. And again, your bravery is to be commended. Be well.

Hell. If your brother and dad are concerned about anything, it should be that you're a fan of Bynum.


This is an amazing, true and inspiring post.

LM interesting enough, I was also raised in a devout Mormon family howeve, I was the middle of 7 siblings.


Definitely!
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PostPosted: Fri Nov 25, 2016 10:54 am    Post subject:

Wouldn't bother me a bit. I'd do everything in my power to let them know that I love them. For crying out loud, its my child.
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PostPosted: Fri Nov 25, 2016 12:28 pm    Post subject:

lakerjoshua wrote:
I have a couple TS friends, one who is now post-op. She is getting married in the spring to a really great guy.

If my son told me he was TS I would be supportive and understanding.


I'm so ignorant on this topic. I have no transgender friends or family members.
But I have a question. The guy she is marrying. Did he always only date transgender individuals? Or did he date cisgender females as well (in the past)?
Just wondering.
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PostPosted: Fri Nov 25, 2016 12:42 pm    Post subject:

Fan0Bynum17 wrote:
You guys are so sweet, it's really heartwarming to see so many thoughtful and supportive people here.

I've so far come out to my mom and sister, but not my dad and brother. They're both accepting for the most part, even if it's uncomfortable and surprising for them at this point. My dad is pretty conservative and I know having a son is important to him, but he's a good honorable man, so who knows how it will go. My brother will probably be accepting, but very awkward about it.

I've been in denial of it for most of my life, so I can't say I've "known" but there were signs, that I ignored. I've had major depression my entire life, and while therapy has helped a lot, these self-discoveries have brought a will to live and self love that I've never experienced before. I don't know if most transpeople's journeys have been like mine though. Every trans person is different, we don't all take the same path.


I'd be happy for you. If my child had been struggling with depression, all I would ever want is for them to be happy.

I remember attending a conference a couple of years ago and we broke out into these small group sessions. One man there brought up that he was struggling with coming out as trans. He was probably in his late 50s and you could see how stressed and depressed he was. We offered encouragement and next year when he came back as a she, the difference in happiness was amazing. Having struggled/suffered for an entire 50 years with this...can you imagine the pain and depression? So if any of my children had been struggling with depression and wanted this change, I'd probably be elated that it helped them find happiness. That's all most parents want for their kids. Yeah, it might not be an easy road, but it's getting better.

Glad you are doing better, Fan0Bynum17. Your LG fam is always here for you.
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PostPosted: Fri Nov 25, 2016 2:03 pm    Post subject:

I love my children with all my heart and want happiness for them more than anything else. If my child came out as trans, I can't lie, I would be full of conflicting emotions. But if that is what they were and they were happy with it, I would be happy with them and for them. I might struggle to always do or say the right things but my intent would be to support and love them.

I would hope, as their mom, I would have already "known" on some level and that would make it easier for me and them. And honestly, if I found out my child had been depressed and struggling with this for years and had been hiding it, I would be guilt-ridden that I had not been able to help them earlier, that my child suffered in silence because maybe they were worried about my reaction. I would want to know and be able to help them on what might be a difficult journey.
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PostPosted: Fri Nov 25, 2016 2:46 pm    Post subject:

I would be shocked, but they are still my children, and you always want your children to be happy. I'd rather my child come out and free themselves of the burden rather than living with it for the rest of their lives, not knowing if their family will accept them. I'd still love them the same.

Props for your courage!
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PostPosted: Fri Nov 25, 2016 3:54 pm    Post subject:

I support any decision really, so this topic is interesting to me, I always said that I support people no matter what life style they have..

Stay strong OP you and all the people who have a different life style have my full support.
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PostPosted: Fri Nov 25, 2016 4:02 pm    Post subject:

DancingBarry wrote:
Fan0Bynum17 wrote:
You guys are so sweet, it's really heartwarming to see so many thoughtful and supportive people here.

I've so far come out to my mom and sister, but not my dad and brother. They're both accepting for the most part, even if it's uncomfortable and surprising for them at this point. My dad is pretty conservative and I know having a son is important to him, but he's a good honorable man, so who knows how it will go. My brother will probably be accepting, but very awkward about it.

I've been in denial of it for most of my life, so I can't say I've "known" but there were signs, that I ignored. I've had major depression my entire life, and while therapy has helped a lot, these self-discoveries have brought a will to live and self love that I've never experienced before. I don't know if most transpeople's journeys have been like mine though. Every trans person is different, we don't all take the same path.


I'd be happy for you. If my child had been struggling with depression, all I would ever want is for them to be happy.

I remember attending a conference a couple of years ago and we broke out into these small group sessions. One man there brought up that he was struggling with coming out as trans. He was probably in his late 50s and you could see how stressed and depressed he was. We offered encouragement and next year when he came back as a she, the difference in happiness was amazing. Having struggled/suffered for an entire 50 years with this...can you imagine the pain and depression? So if any of my children had been struggling with depression and wanted this change, I'd probably be elated that it helped them find happiness. That's all most parents want for their kids. Yeah, it might not be an easy road, but it's getting better.

Glad you are doing better, Fan0Bynum17. Your LG fam is always here for you.


Beautiful story DB.
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PostPosted: Fri Nov 25, 2016 4:35 pm    Post subject:

DancingBarry wrote:
So if any of my children had been struggling with depression and wanted this change, I'd probably be elated that it helped them find happiness. That's all most parents want for their kids. Yeah, it might not be an easy road, but it's getting better.


Exactly why unquestionable love and support are the only way to go.

As parents our job is to guide or kids, but more importantly it is to protect them and prepare them.

That's why I never understood antagonistic reactions from parents who were upset and angry that their child didn't turn out to be a "mini-me". Our job as parents is not to turn out clones of ourselves. Our job is to shape quality individuals who make the most of who they are in the most productive way they can.
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PostPosted: Fri Nov 25, 2016 4:36 pm    Post subject:

City_Dawg wrote:
Wouldn't bother me a bit. I'd do everything in my power to let them know that I love them. For crying out loud, its my child.

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PostPosted: Fri Nov 25, 2016 4:41 pm    Post subject:

I'll assume you want honesty

I would be disappointed at first. But I will still love him unconditionally and be supportive. He's still my child the one I was there for his birth, I kissed and hugged him everyday before school. Would still love him if he was gay trans or straight.
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PostPosted: Fri Nov 25, 2016 4:45 pm    Post subject:

As long as that person you love is happy and is over with depression any choice he makes that makes him into that happy person is what a parent wants from his children... that's why we are all equal.
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PostPosted: Fri Nov 25, 2016 5:05 pm    Post subject:

999 wrote:
I'll assume you want honesty

I would be disappointed at first. But I will still love him unconditionally and be supportive. He's still my child the one I was there for his birth, I kissed and hugged him everyday before school. Would still love him if he was gay trans or straight.


Unless he was homeless, then he'd be getting the "golden" treatment. . .
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PostPosted: Fri Nov 25, 2016 5:13 pm    Post subject:

lakerjoshua wrote:
LM interesting enough, I was also raised in a devout Mormon family howeve, I was the middle of 7 siblings.


LJ - I don't want to further derail what I consider to be an important thread/topic. Check your PM.
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PostPosted: Fri Nov 25, 2016 5:16 pm    Post subject:

Fan0Bynum17 wrote:
You guys are so sweet, it's really heartwarming to see so many thoughtful and supportive people here.

I've so far come out to my mom and sister, but not my dad and brother. They're both accepting for the most part, even if it's uncomfortable and surprising for them at this point. My dad is pretty conservative and I know having a son is important to him, but he's a good honorable man, so who knows how it will go. My brother will probably be accepting, but very awkward about it.

I've been in denial of it for most of my life, so I can't say I've "known" but there were signs, that I ignored. I've had major depression my entire life, and while therapy has helped a lot, these self-discoveries have brought a will to live and self love that I've never experienced before. I don't know if most transpeople's journeys have been like mine though. Every trans person is different, we don't all take the same path.


Hopefully the fact that you've been going through depression for a long time and have needed therapy kind of prepared them already. Sometimes people already know. They just don't tell you that they know.

Be prepared for them to be upset and hurt even if they love and support and love you. It's a BIG thing to find out if they didn't already suspect.

I imagine the desire to transition is the part that would be hardest to cope with. It's kind of like losing someone you love because you have an identity that they have in their head and they will have to reconcile that person disappearing... even though that person isn't. It's probably going to be weird, awkward, emotional, and stressful. But when all is said and done, I hope that they understand. And even if they don't, hopefully they continue to show you love regardless.

I'm pulling for you. Good luck!
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PostPosted: Fri Nov 25, 2016 5:17 pm    Post subject:

Lowest Merion wrote:
Hell. If your brother and dad are concerned about anything, it should be that you're a fan of Bynum.


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