How do you think you'd react if your kid told you they were trans?
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Fan0Bynum17
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PostPosted: Thu Nov 24, 2016 9:35 am    Post subject: How do you think you'd react if your kid told you they were trans?

So I'm starting to come out to people in my family about being trans now, and I haven't gotten to my father yet, who's the big one. I'm just curious how the parents of LG here think they would react if their child, whether male or female, came to them and told them they were trans and wanted to transition to another gender. OR, if it has happened to you, how did you react? If you don't mind sharing.
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lakerjoshua
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PostPosted: Thu Nov 24, 2016 9:52 am    Post subject:

I have a couple TS friends, one who is now post-op. She is getting married in the spring to a really great guy.

If my son told me he was TS I would be supportive and understanding.
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PostPosted: Thu Nov 24, 2016 9:56 am    Post subject:

I never truly understood the meaning of unconditional love until I had my daughter. I would support her best I could and love her always no matter what her sexual preference or lifestyle choices turn out to be. I hope your father and family is the same way. Good luck to you and have a Happy Thanksgiving.
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PostPosted: Thu Nov 24, 2016 9:58 am    Post subject:

I assume you want honesty. I would still love my offspring. I be disappointed but supportive. If they were happy I'd be happy for them.
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Fan0Bynum17
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PostPosted: Thu Nov 24, 2016 10:13 am    Post subject:

BigJosh951 wrote:
I never truly understood the meaning of unconditional love until I had my daughter. I would support her best I could and love her always no matter what her sexual preference or lifestyle choices turn out to be. I hope your father and family is the same way. Good luck to you and have a Happy Thanksgiving.


Thank you! Happy Thanksgiving!
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Fan0Bynum17
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PostPosted: Thu Nov 24, 2016 10:15 am    Post subject:

Yes, I absolutely want honesty, there's no judgment here, I'm just genuinely curious. Outside of violent rage or disowning, or something extreme like that, I don't think there are "wrong" reactions to it.
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PostPosted: Thu Nov 24, 2016 10:23 am    Post subject:

Be honest and open. Allow the other person to have their reaction. It may take a while for the other person to get it. They may never get it. Try not to judge them. Understand that if they are having a problem, it is they that have a problem. Continue to love them regardless.
As far as how I would react, my son came out to my wife and me a few years ago. Neither one of us had much of a reaction at all other than obvious concern for his safety and happiness. We kind of always knew and it's possible that your family knows too. My wife was much more upset when he got a tattoo.
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PostPosted: Thu Nov 24, 2016 10:31 am    Post subject:

Honestly, I would be disappointed, but that would not affect my love for my child. And I wouldn't be disappointed in them personally, just that many of my ideas of grandkids and stuff would be gone.

Kind of like hearing that your child never wants to have kids.

If they wanted to make a gender transition, I'd be worried. I would want to make sure they were older and most of the hormonal things that make us make rash decisioms have died down and that this was something they gave a lot of thought about and truly wanted.

I'd probably never "support" them going through gender reassignment, but I'd know that it ultimately is not my decsion and it will not affect my love for my child. I just wish he/she could find happiness in their own body, even if they love the same sex.

When all is said and done, family is family and love is love.
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PostPosted: Thu Nov 24, 2016 10:53 am    Post subject:

I'd be pretty incredulous in my disbelief since I'm very certain I've been responsible in using protection, so 1st stop would be for a DNA test. If the miracle of all miracles did occur, and the kid was indeed mine? Then the 2st order of business would be to slap them for waiting all this time to get in touch with me. Then it would be off for beers to start making plans for just how we're going to go about all that overdue catching up. The Trans part wouldn't matter to me since I don't give two shakes about what the neanderthals of this world think & it's a trait I'd try to impress upon miracle kid.
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Fan0Bynum17
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PostPosted: Thu Nov 24, 2016 10:59 am    Post subject:

Reflexx wrote:
Honestly, I would be disappointed, but that would not affect my love for my child. And I wouldn't be disappointed in them personally, just that many of my ideas of grandkids and stuff would be gone.

Kind of like hearing that your child never wants to have kids.

If they wanted to make a gender transition, I'd be worried. I would want to make sure they were older and most of the hormonal things that make us make rash decisioms have died down and that this was something they gave a lot of thought about and truly wanted.

I'd probably never "support" them going through gender reassignment, but I'd know that it ultimately is not my decsion and it will not affect my love for my child. I just wish he/she could find happiness in their own body, even if they love the same sex.

When all is said and done, family is family and love is love.


I really appreciate the response. Do you think it would hit you less hard if your kid had already said they didn't want to have children of their own?
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governator
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PostPosted: Thu Nov 24, 2016 11:12 am    Post subject:

Wow, my head tells me that nothing should change but I'll be honest with you that in real life I might be sad/disappointed but in the end, we would go thru it together. I hope.
Best of luck
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PostPosted: Thu Nov 24, 2016 11:25 am    Post subject:

Fan0Bynum17 wrote:
Reflexx wrote:
Honestly, I would be disappointed, but that would not affect my love for my child. And I wouldn't be disappointed in them personally, just that many of my ideas of grandkids and stuff would be gone.

Kind of like hearing that your child never wants to have kids.

If they wanted to make a gender transition, I'd be worried. I would want to make sure they were older and most of the hormonal things that make us make rash decisioms have died down and that this was something they gave a lot of thought about and truly wanted.

I'd probably never "support" them going through gender reassignment, but I'd know that it ultimately is not my decsion and it will not affect my love for my child. I just wish he/she could find happiness in their own body, even if they love the same sex.

When all is said and done, family is family and love is love.


I really appreciate the response. Do you think it would hit you less hard if your kid had already said they didn't want to have children of their own?


Yes.

In the end, I want my kid to be happy and fulfilled. As a parent you always worry about your kids making life-changing choices that can't be reversed. But it's just part of being a parent. You just have to let go and trust that you've raised your child well enough to think things through.

So it also helps if you, as the kid, have a history of being very responsible. That way I, as a parent, can feel some ease in thinking that you know what you really want.
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PostPosted: Thu Nov 24, 2016 11:42 am    Post subject:

I would love them just as much as if they didn't. Who they are is who they are, m wife and I have worked very hard to show them that they should be themselves and not who anyone else wants them to be.
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PostPosted: Thu Nov 24, 2016 12:21 pm    Post subject:

I would react the only way I can and would have to - by offering as much support and love as I can, because it will be much needed by my child who is making a very challenging transition, both personally and socially.

I would also make sure that I didn't make their journey in life more difficult by working diligently to make sure that our elected representatives will not stand in the way of their rights.
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PostPosted: Thu Nov 24, 2016 12:34 pm    Post subject:

I hope I would know my children well enough so that I 'knew' before they did.
I would want to learn more about their thoughts and experiences to both satiate my curiosity and replace my ignorance with understanding. My love is unconditional, and they know that, so I would continue to concentrate on whatever I thought they needed in that moment. In quiet moments of reflection, I would reconcile the lingering vestiges of 'traditional' family, 'natural born' grandchildren and homophobic weirdness, realizing that those thoughts reflect my shortcomings, not theirs. Our shared love would not change, Frankly, I suspect that a revelation of this sort would relieve my child's anxiety, afford me an opportunity to reassure and comfort my child and ultimately bring us closer together.

Then it would be life continuing as usual, whatever that means.
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lakersken80
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PostPosted: Thu Nov 24, 2016 2:35 pm    Post subject:

I would imagine the older generation has a tougher time accepting their own sons/daughters are trans or gay. That being said every parent is different, some shun them and never want to talk to them ever again, while others are against their lifestyle but learn to accept it.
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PostPosted: Thu Nov 24, 2016 3:40 pm    Post subject:

[Comment deleted. Suspension handed out. -CL]
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PostPosted: Thu Nov 24, 2016 5:38 pm    Post subject:

The Brain wrote:
Shoot myself.


What a chump.

FanofBynum best of luck. If you were my kid I would be extremely proud.
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PostPosted: Thu Nov 24, 2016 5:47 pm    Post subject:

I'd be (bleep) sad...quality of life for many trans people is not very high. They are disproportionately prone to depression and suicide. I'd support them, I'd love them without question, but that would be a cruel turn.

Good luck with your dad F0B.
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PostPosted: Thu Nov 24, 2016 5:57 pm    Post subject: Re: How do you think you'd react if your kid told you they were trans?

Fan0Bynum17 wrote:
So I'm starting to come out to people in my family about being trans now, and I haven't gotten to my father yet, who's the big one. I'm just curious how the parents of LG here think they would react if their child, whether male or female, came to them and told them they were trans and wanted to transition to another gender. OR, if it has happened to you, how did you react? If you don't mind sharing.


You should PM Omar Little on here. I could be wrong, but I'm pretty sure he's a parent of a trans. Dude is filled with wisdom too

No one knows your father on here, so you would probably be the best person to ask how he would react. Maybe ask close family their opinions as well and have them with you to ease the situation. I hope all it all works out. You seem to have a good relationship with your father (assuming this because you seem to really care about his opinion) so I think he will love you regardless.

This may be a touchy subject, so disregard this if you don't want to answer, but how did you know you were transsexual and when? I don't know any trans people, so I'm really ignorant about this and would like to know more about it if you don't mind.

Good luck!
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PostPosted: Thu Nov 24, 2016 7:43 pm    Post subject:

I just want to wish you the best of luck. I don't know your father, so you'd have a better idea of how he'd react than I would, but I will say that no matter what happens, don't be discouraged. You've taken a courageous step in your own life, and that is something to be proud of. I hope your father will react with unconditional love and will be happy that you love and trust him enough to be honest with him, but if he doesn't, please know that that is his problem, not yours. Also, don't give up if he isn't immediately supportive. Give him time to process. Either way, live your life and be happy. Happy Thanksgiving.
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PostPosted: Thu Nov 24, 2016 8:43 pm    Post subject:

Bravo to you for sharing this with us, and bravo to most of the posters on here for being relatively enlightened and open-minded about this. I've played tennis in the same circle of people for the past 15 years or so and one of the guys was always struggling with himself mentally, and it turns out that he really didn't come to identify as "he." So now "he" has transitioned into becoming a female, and, quite frankly, I'm not exactly sure if the entire process is finished or whatnot. I just know that she is far happier now. I can also say without equivocation and just from common sense that no one would enter into this type of thing lightly. I can't even imagine what feeling like you are in the wrong body would feel like, every day, month after month, year after year...so I guarantee you that it's something that anyone that wants to transition has thought about every single day of their lives.

If transitioning could bring someone an inner peace that they have never known, I have no idea why anyone who is capable of intelligent and rational thought would get in the way of that, or be so callous about it. Being disappointed is one thing, and I think that's fair, but you have to ultimately support and love your child.
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PostPosted: Thu Nov 24, 2016 10:02 pm    Post subject:

The Brain wrote:
Shoot myself.


Is that a promise?
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PostPosted: Thu Nov 24, 2016 10:05 pm    Post subject:

Hey Fan0Bynum17 I wish you the best of luck. Some families take it better than others. My mom was very supportive when I came out to her. I just want you to know that your LG family will always be here for you, and I want you to know that you are a great person. No matter what happens in your coming out process, you will always have friends here. Please let us now how it goes, and if there is anything we can do to support you.

And I really mean that. On a personal level, no matter what happens you have friends here


Last edited by DuncanIdaho on Fri Nov 25, 2016 8:50 am; edited 1 time in total
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Fan0Bynum17
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PostPosted: Thu Nov 24, 2016 10:40 pm    Post subject:

You guys are so sweet, it's really heartwarming to see so many thoughtful and supportive people here.

I've so far come out to my mom and sister, but not my dad and brother. They're both accepting for the most part, even if it's uncomfortable and surprising for them at this point. My dad is pretty conservative and I know having a son is important to him, but he's a good honorable man, so who knows how it will go. My brother will probably be accepting, but very awkward about it.

I've been in denial of it for most of my life, so I can't say I've "known" but there were signs, that I ignored. I've had major depression my entire life, and while therapy has helped a lot, these self-discoveries have brought a will to live and self love that I've never experienced before. I don't know if most transpeople's journeys have been like mine though. Every trans person is different, we don't all take the same path.
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