How do you think you'd react if your kid told you they were trans?
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Fan0Bynum17
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PostPosted: Tue Nov 29, 2016 2:33 pm    Post subject:

the association wrote:
As for FOB17, good luck with your father. I have a ten year old son. He's taught me to expect the unexpected over the past decade, and the range of emotions I've experienced during that period has been overwhelming at times. Academics, sports, social skills, responsibility and the behavioral hornet's nest of pre-adolescence ... you name it ... it's been a roller coaster, at times. Also, I suspect that most parents develop an idea of their child's identity before that identity even develops and takes shape anyway. Sometimes we're on the $$$, and sometimes we miss the mark ... sometimes by a lot. In any event, I salute you for being true to yourself. When the time is right for you, have the talk with your dad. I hope (and I look forward to reading how) he surprises you with the love and support you deserve.


Thank you, I appreciate it.
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Fan0Bynum17
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PostPosted: Tue Dec 06, 2016 2:20 pm    Post subject:

Hey everyone, just in case you're interested, I came out to my dad. It didn't go as bad as it could've, so there are definitely positives to take from it. He basically said that he didn't want to be around it at all, that he thinks it's BS, but that it's my life and I can do what I want with it and that he doesn't care. So, he's not mad, but in order for me to be respectful of his wishes, I either have to dress like a guy around him, or not be around him.
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PostPosted: Tue Dec 06, 2016 2:42 pm    Post subject:

Fan0Bynum17 wrote:
Hey everyone, just in case you're interested, I came out to my dad. It didn't go as bad as it could've, so there are definitely positives to take from it. He basically said that he didn't want to be around it at all, that he thinks it's BS, but that it's my life and I can do what I want with it and that he doesn't care. So, he's not mad, but in order for me to be respectful of his wishes, I either have to dress like a guy around him, or not be around him.


Congratulations. Really.
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PostPosted: Tue Dec 06, 2016 2:48 pm    Post subject:

Fan0Bynum17 wrote:
Hey everyone, just in case you're interested, I came out to my dad. It didn't go as bad as it could've, so there are definitely positives to take from it. He basically said that he didn't want to be around it at all, that he thinks it's BS, but that it's my life and I can do what I want with it and that he doesn't care. So, he's not mad, but in order for me to be respectful of his wishes, I either have to dress like a guy around him, or not be around him.


Congrats! Hope it's at least a bit of a weight off your shoulders.
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Fan0Bynum17
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PostPosted: Tue Dec 06, 2016 3:24 pm    Post subject:

ocho wrote:
Fan0Bynum17 wrote:
Hey everyone, just in case you're interested, I came out to my dad. It didn't go as bad as it could've, so there are definitely positives to take from it. He basically said that he didn't want to be around it at all, that he thinks it's BS, but that it's my life and I can do what I want with it and that he doesn't care. So, he's not mad, but in order for me to be respectful of his wishes, I either have to dress like a guy around him, or not be around him.


Congrats! Hope it's at least a bit of a weight off your shoulders.


Yeah, it is, thanks.
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PostPosted: Tue Dec 06, 2016 4:18 pm    Post subject:

Fan0Bynum17 wrote:
Hey everyone, just in case you're interested, I came out to my dad. It didn't go as bad as it could've, so there are definitely positives to take from it. He basically said that he didn't want to be around it at all, that he thinks it's BS, but that it's my life and I can do what I want with it and that he doesn't care. So, he's not mad, but in order for me to be respectful of his wishes, I either have to dress like a guy around him, or not be around him.


Great to hear that you've crossed that bridge, and that you're feeling there are positives arising from the conversation, FOB17. Your dad is better for having you as his child; I'm confident he knows that, too. And over time, I hope the relationship only gets better. Good luck ...
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PostPosted: Tue Dec 06, 2016 4:30 pm    Post subject:

I am embarrassed right now.. I only read the title of this thread when I replied.

Thank you for showing such incredible courage and Love..

I can only imagine how difficult it may have been earlier in life.. I truly hope your decision brings you the peace and love you know you deserve in this life.

Namaste

Odd book suggestion but thought it could fit here
http://www.goodreads.com/book/show/6596.The_Four_Agreements
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frijolero01
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PostPosted: Tue Dec 06, 2016 5:27 pm    Post subject:

Fan0Bynum17 wrote:
Hey everyone, just in case you're interested, I came out to my dad. It didn't go as bad as it could've, so there are definitely positives to take from it. He basically said that he didn't want to be around it at all, that he thinks it's BS, but that it's my life and I can do what I want with it and that he doesn't care. So, he's not mad, but in order for me to be respectful of his wishes, I either have to dress like a guy around him, or not be around him.


People tend to ignore what I originally said about this issue and focus on the "negative" but, you're dad's reaction is completely opposite of what mine would be if my oldest son came out.
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PostPosted: Tue Dec 06, 2016 11:22 pm    Post subject:

Wow, congratulations. That is brave as hell and thanks for sharing this here on LG. I wish you all the best going forward!
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lakerjoshua
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PostPosted: Tue Dec 06, 2016 11:59 pm    Post subject:

AY2043 wrote:
Wow, congratulations. That is brave as hell and thanks for sharing this here on LG. I wish you all the best going forward!
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SoCaLjAy
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PostPosted: Wed Dec 07, 2016 10:18 am    Post subject:

I respect your decision for coming out to your dad, and even though his response may not have been exactly positive, he was real with you and it is a good start. Hopefully in time he will get over the way you dress and just see YOU his child who wants love and support from the family.

Best wishes to you in this and thanks for posting this here.
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PostPosted: Wed Dec 07, 2016 10:47 am    Post subject:

Hope things work out with your father.

Old adages. (1) Time heals all wounds. (2) Blood is thicker than water.

My favorite sayings (1) Stay Up, Walk Tall. (2) Difficult Roads Often Lead To Beautiful Destinations.

Best of luck in the future.
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Last edited by jodeke on Tue Dec 13, 2016 11:41 pm; edited 1 time in total
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PostPosted: Thu Dec 08, 2016 4:02 pm    Post subject:

Fan0Bynum17 wrote:
Hey everyone, just in case you're interested, I came out to my dad. It didn't go as bad as it could've, so there are definitely positives to take from it. He basically said that he didn't want to be around it at all, that he thinks it's BS, but that it's my life and I can do what I want with it and that he doesn't care. So, he's not mad, but in order for me to be respectful of his wishes, I either have to dress like a guy around him, or not be around him.


Very glad you shared this. It may enable someone else to find the courage. Always try to remember that regardless of how our loved ones react, it is as close to "I love you" as they can come at that moment.
Congratulations and good luck
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Lowest Merion
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PostPosted: Fri Dec 09, 2016 2:11 am    Post subject:

Fan0Bynum17 wrote:
Hey everyone, just in case you're interested, I came out to my dad. It didn't go as bad as it could've, so there are definitely positives to take from it. He basically said that he didn't want to be around it at all, that he thinks it's BS, but that it's my life and I can do what I want with it and that he doesn't care. So, he's not mad, but in order for me to be respectful of his wishes, I either have to dress like a guy around him, or not be around him.


Great news. Sincerely. And again, I applaud your bravery for bringing this up on LG let alone to your dad/family.
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Fan0Bynum17
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PostPosted: Mon Dec 12, 2016 10:52 pm    Post subject:

Things are progressing pretty well between my dad and me, we're communicating. There's still a gap, and there may always be, but there's no hostility and we're both opening up.
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DancingBarry
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PostPosted: Mon Dec 12, 2016 11:45 pm    Post subject:

Good to hear. He may just need time to wrap his head around things.

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PostPosted: Tue Dec 13, 2016 12:19 am    Post subject:

DancingBarry wrote:
Good to hear. He may just need time to wrap his head around things.



Yeah, give it some time, your dad will come around most likely. You are still his child and he loves you even if he is having a hard time with things right now.
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PostPosted: Tue Dec 13, 2016 12:50 am    Post subject:

DancingBarry wrote:
Good to hear. He may just need time to wrap his head around things.



Indeed.
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PostPosted: Tue Dec 13, 2016 9:46 pm    Post subject:

My guy is young but I couldn't imagine anything that would cause me to love him less .
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PostPosted: Tue Dec 13, 2016 10:01 pm    Post subject:

Fan0Bynum17 wrote:
Things are progressing pretty well between my dad and me, we're communicating. There's still a gap, and there may always be, but there's no hostility and we're both opening up.


Progress, communication, opening up and a no hostility? There may be a "gap" for now, but it sounds like that gap will close sooner rather than later. I certainly hope so.

I am glad that you feel there is progress. That has to feel good.
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PostPosted: Tue Dec 13, 2016 10:06 pm    Post subject:

Halflife wrote:
My guy is young but I couldn't imagine anything that would cause me to love him less .


Our kids are a product of ourselves - through genetics and social guidance, we set them on their path. Some we can control and some we can't.

I can't fathom losing a connection to my kids based on things that are really beyond their control.
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Fan0Bynum17
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PostPosted: Thu May 11, 2017 3:04 pm    Post subject:

Hey everyone, since I'm a total egotist, I thought you'd all like a life update. About a month ago, I showed up dressed one day in front of my dad and he didn't like it at all. I thought he might have needed a push to get used to the idea, I was very wrong. So I've decided I'm going to move in with my friend in norcal, and there I'll live full time as a woman, and eventually get a legal name and gender change. I still need to get some kind of career education, and save up for facial surgery. Anyway, that's the hideous reality of my life, look upon it ye mighty and despair!
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PostPosted: Thu May 11, 2017 4:51 pm    Post subject:

Fan0Bynum17 wrote:
Hey everyone, since I'm a total egotist, I thought you'd all like a life update. About a month ago, I showed up dressed one day in front of my dad and he didn't like it at all. I thought he might have needed a push to get used to the idea, I was very wrong. So I've decided I'm going to move in with my friend in norcal, and there I'll live full time as a woman, and eventually get a legal name and gender change. I still need to get some kind of career education, and save up for facial surgery. Anyway, that's the hideous reality of my life, look upon it ye mighty and despair!


Sorry he can't get past his own stupid biases. It's unfair to you and foolish of him (obviously). Good luck up North and I hope your dad gets his head out of his ass one day and can accept what makes you fulfilled as your true self.
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PostPosted: Thu May 11, 2017 5:24 pm    Post subject:

Fan0Bynum17 wrote:
Hey everyone, since I'm a total egotist, I thought you'd all like a life update. About a month ago, I showed up dressed one day in front of my dad and he didn't like it at all. I thought he might have needed a push to get used to the idea, I was very wrong. So I've decided I'm going to move in with my friend in norcal, and there I'll live full time as a woman, and eventually get a legal name and gender change. I still need to get some kind of career education, and save up for facial surgery. Anyway, that's the hideous reality of my life, look upon it ye mighty and despair!


Good luck to you. I hope your father comes around eventually, but you need to live your life in a way that's right for you, not for him. I'm glad you have friends you can rely on. Please remember if things get overwhelming that there are support groups you can go to just to talk or to get advice, especially if you're anywhere close to San Francisco. There are also plenty of online resources you can look at too, but I'm sure you are already aware of that. Be happy.
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PostPosted: Thu May 11, 2017 8:35 pm    Post subject:

Fan0Bynum17 wrote:
Hey everyone, since I'm a total egotist, I thought you'd all like a life update. About a month ago, I showed up dressed one day in front of my dad and he didn't like it at all. I thought he might have needed a push to get used to the idea, I was very wrong. So I've decided I'm going to move in with my friend in norcal, and there I'll live full time as a woman, and eventually get a legal name and gender change. I still need to get some kind of career education, and save up for facial surgery. Anyway, that's the hideous reality of my life, look upon it ye mighty and despair!


Did you wear a little black dress?
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