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orwell Star Player
Joined: 28 Apr 2001 Posts: 8203 Location: 90210
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Posted: Sun Jan 25, 2009 9:20 pm Post subject: Joke of the Day |
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You are on the bus when you suddenly realize ... you need to fart.
The music is really loud, so you time your farts with the beat. After a couple of songs, you start to feel better as you approach your stop.
As you are leaving the bus, people are really staring you down. And that's when you remember: you've been listening to your iPod. _________________ A proud member of LakersGround.net for over 10 years [since April 28, 2001] |
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mike_dee23 Franchise Player
Joined: 03 Feb 2005 Posts: 11703
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Posted: Sun Jan 25, 2009 9:22 pm Post subject: |
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That's funny. I heard it the other day, but it started "A blonde sat on a bus..." _________________ MTFBWYA |
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Omar Little Moderator
Joined: 02 May 2005 Posts: 90299 Location: Formerly Known As 24
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Posted: Sun Jan 25, 2009 11:06 pm Post subject: |
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Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes. That way, when you criticize them, you're a mile away and you have their shoes. _________________ “We must always take sides. Neutrality helps the oppressor, never the victim. Silence encourages the tormentor, never the tormented.” ― Elie Wiesel |
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phayze one Star Player
Joined: 17 Dec 2008 Posts: 5389
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Posted: Sun Jan 25, 2009 11:12 pm Post subject: |
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There are three types of people in the world: those who can count, and those who can't. |
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Mark_in_Tulsa Franchise Player
Joined: 11 Jul 2005 Posts: 12975
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Posted: Sun Jan 25, 2009 11:18 pm Post subject: |
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There Are Only 10 Types of People in the World: Those Who Understand Binary, and Those Who Don't. _________________ Think about how stupid the avg. person is, and realize half of them are stupider than that.
---George Carlin |
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C M B Franchise Player
Joined: 15 Nov 2006 Posts: 19854 Location: Prarie & Manchester, high above the western sideline
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Posted: Mon Jan 26, 2009 12:09 am Post subject: |
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I never (bleep) a 10, but one night, I (bleep) five 2s. _________________ http://chickhearn.ytmnd.com/
Sister Golden Hair wrote: | LAMAR ODOM is an anagram for ... DOOM ALARM
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LakerFan87 Franchise Player
Joined: 25 May 2008 Posts: 18984 Location: The High Desert
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Posted: Mon Jan 26, 2009 2:00 am Post subject: |
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I integral from 10 to 13 of 2x with respect to X'd your mom and/or sister last night. |
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Free_Kobe Franchise Player
Joined: 02 Sep 2005 Posts: 13197 Location: @ the beach
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Posted: Mon Jan 26, 2009 9:25 am Post subject: |
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A Chicken and an Egg are in bed together…
The Egg is lying there, smoking a cigarette with a very satisfied look, while the Chicken is annoyed and frustrated.
The Chicken screams…
--Well I guess that answers that question!!! _________________ ♪ ♫One good thing about music, when it hits, you feel no pain...
So hit me with music! ♪ ♫ |
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BK Starting Rotation
Joined: 09 Apr 2007 Posts: 526
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Posted: Mon Jan 26, 2009 12:31 pm Post subject: |
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Statistically, 9 out of 10 people enjoy a gang rape
..
(too dirty?) |
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C M B Franchise Player
Joined: 15 Nov 2006 Posts: 19854 Location: Prarie & Manchester, high above the western sideline
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Posted: Mon Jan 26, 2009 12:33 pm Post subject: |
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BK wrote: | Statistically, 9 out of 10 people enjoy a gang rape
..
(too dirty?) |
roflmao _________________ http://chickhearn.ytmnd.com/
Sister Golden Hair wrote: | LAMAR ODOM is an anagram for ... DOOM ALARM
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Omar Little Moderator
Joined: 02 May 2005 Posts: 90299 Location: Formerly Known As 24
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Posted: Mon Jan 26, 2009 12:44 pm Post subject: |
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BK wrote: | Statistically, 9 out of 10 people enjoy a gang rape
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(too dirty?) |
Winner! _________________ “We must always take sides. Neutrality helps the oppressor, never the victim. Silence encourages the tormentor, never the tormented.” ― Elie Wiesel |
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methdxman Star Player
Joined: 31 Jan 2002 Posts: 6879 Location: Los Angeles/Barcelona
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Posted: Mon Jan 26, 2009 12:51 pm Post subject: |
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A pirate walks into a bar and he has a steering wheel on his crotch. The bartender finds that odd so he says to the pirate, hey pirate you know you got a steering wheel on your crotch right? The Pirate says "Arrrrrrrr it's driving me nuuuuts!" |
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BK Starting Rotation
Joined: 09 Apr 2007 Posts: 526
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Posted: Mon Jan 26, 2009 3:52 pm Post subject: |
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(here's one rated G)
..
During a visit to the mental asylum, a visitor asked the Director:
"How do you determine whether or not a patient should be institutionalized?"
"Well," said the Director, "we fill up a bathtub, then we offer a teaspoon,
a teacup and a bucket to the patient and ask him or her to empty
the bathtub."
"Oh, I understand," said the visitor. "A normal person would use
the bucket because it's bigger than the spoon or the teacup."
"No" said the Director, "A normal person would pull the plug. Do
you want a bed near the window?" |
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Free_Kobe Franchise Player
Joined: 02 Sep 2005 Posts: 13197 Location: @ the beach
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Posted: Wed Apr 06, 2011 12:30 pm Post subject: |
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What does every "Tickle Me Elmo" get before it leaves the factory?
-Two test tickles _________________ ♪ ♫One good thing about music, when it hits, you feel no pain...
So hit me with music! ♪ ♫ |
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frijolero01 Franchise Player
Joined: 10 May 2005 Posts: 13324
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Posted: Wed Apr 06, 2011 12:41 pm Post subject: |
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C M B wrote: | I never (bleep) a 10, but one night, I (bleep) five 2s. |
good ol' George Carlin _________________ Thank you, Kobe. We love you. |
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Kobeskillz Star Player
Joined: 12 Nov 2008 Posts: 1069
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Posted: Wed Apr 06, 2011 12:48 pm Post subject: |
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methdxman wrote: | A pirate walks into a bar and he has a steering wheel on his crotch. The bartender finds that odd so he says to the pirate, hey pirate you know you got a steering wheel on your crotch right? The Pirate says "Arrrrrrrr it's driving me nuuuuts!" |
hAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHA!!!! |
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Kobeskillz Star Player
Joined: 12 Nov 2008 Posts: 1069
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Posted: Wed Apr 06, 2011 12:52 pm Post subject: |
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A man walks into a bar in Alaska and ask the bartender what does it take to be a real Alaskan man.
The bartender says 1st you have to take 15 shots, 2nd you have to make love to a real Alaskan woman and 3rd you have to wrestle a polar bear.
The man takes his 15 shots and then leaves the bar. A few hours later he comes back all bloodied and clothes torn and says ok so where's that woman I had to wrestle? |
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frijolero01 Franchise Player
Joined: 10 May 2005 Posts: 13324
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Posted: Wed Apr 06, 2011 1:25 pm Post subject: |
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Kobeskillz wrote: | A man walks into a bar in Alaska and ask the bartender what does it take to be a real Alaskan man.
The bartender says 1st you have to take 15 shots, 2nd you have to make love to a real Alaskan woman and 3rd you have to wrestle a polar bear.
The man takes his 15 shots and then leaves the bar. A few hours later he comes back all bloodied and clothes torn and says ok so where's that woman I had to wrestle? |
I think you botched that joke. _________________ Thank you, Kobe. We love you. |
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Kobeskillz Star Player
Joined: 12 Nov 2008 Posts: 1069
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Posted: Wed Apr 06, 2011 1:35 pm Post subject: |
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frijolero01 wrote: | Kobeskillz wrote: | A man walks into a bar in Alaska and ask the bartender what does it take to be a real Alaskan man.
The bartender says 1st you have to take 15 shots, 2nd you have to make love to a real Alaskan woman and 3rd you have to wrestle a polar bear.
The man takes his 15 shots and then leaves the bar. A few hours later he comes back all bloodied and clothes torn and says ok so where's that woman I had to wrestle? |
I think you botched that joke. |
How? |
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frijolero01 Franchise Player
Joined: 10 May 2005 Posts: 13324
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Posted: Wed Apr 06, 2011 2:04 pm Post subject: |
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Kobeskillz wrote: | frijolero01 wrote: | Kobeskillz wrote: | A man walks into a bar in Alaska and ask the bartender what does it take to be a real Alaskan man.
The bartender says 1st you have to take 15 shots, 2nd you have to make love to a real Alaskan woman and 3rd you have to wrestle a polar bear.
The man takes his 15 shots and then leaves the bar. A few hours later he comes back all bloodied and clothes torn and says ok so where's that woman I had to wrestle? |
I think you botched that joke. |
How? |
JESUS CHRIST! NEVERMIND,
volt! _________________ Thank you, Kobe. We love you. |
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Free_Kobe Franchise Player
Joined: 02 Sep 2005 Posts: 13197 Location: @ the beach
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Posted: Wed Apr 06, 2011 2:12 pm Post subject: |
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frijolero01 wrote: | Kobeskillz wrote: | frijolero01 wrote: | Kobeskillz wrote: | A man walks into a bar in Alaska and ask the bartender what does it take to be a real Alaskan man.
The bartender says 1st you have to take 15 shots, 2nd you have to make love to a real Alaskan woman and 3rd you have to wrestle a polar bear.
The man takes his 15 shots and then leaves the bar. A few hours later he comes back all bloodied and clothes torn and says ok so where's that woman I had to wrestle? |
I think you botched that joke. |
How? |
JESUS CHRIST! NEVERMIND,
volt! | I don't think he messed up the joke... _________________ ♪ ♫One good thing about music, when it hits, you feel no pain...
So hit me with music! ♪ ♫ |
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frijolero01 Franchise Player
Joined: 10 May 2005 Posts: 13324
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Posted: Wed Apr 06, 2011 2:17 pm Post subject: |
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Free_Kobe wrote: | frijolero01 wrote: | Kobeskillz wrote: | frijolero01 wrote: | Kobeskillz wrote: | A man walks into a bar in Alaska and ask the bartender what does it take to be a real Alaskan man.
The bartender says 1st you have to take 15 shots, 2nd you have to make love to a real Alaskan woman and 3rd you have to wrestle a polar bear.
The man takes his 15 shots and then leaves the bar. A few hours later he comes back all bloodied and clothes torn and says ok so where's that woman I had to wrestle? |
I think you botched that joke. |
How? |
JESUS CHRIST! NEVERMIND,
volt! | I don't think he messed up the joke... |
i know, I completely read it wrong. _________________ Thank you, Kobe. We love you. |
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ComputerBlue Star Player
Joined: 04 Apr 2006 Posts: 1872
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Posted: Wed Apr 06, 2011 2:19 pm Post subject: |
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Free_Kobe wrote: | frijolero01 wrote: | Kobeskillz wrote: | frijolero01 wrote: | Kobeskillz wrote: | A man walks into a bar in Alaska and ask the bartender what does it take to be a real Alaskan man.
The bartender says 1st you have to take 15 shots, 2nd you have to make love to a real Alaskan woman and 3rd you have to wrestle a polar bear.
The man takes his 15 shots and then leaves the bar. A few hours later he comes back all bloodied and clothes torn and says ok so where's that woman I had to wrestle? |
I think you botched that joke. |
How? |
JESUS CHRIST! NEVERMIND,
volt! | I don't think he messed up the joke... |
ohh boy... _________________ One man's trash is another man's treasure. |
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Jamesikan Star Player
Joined: 10 Mar 2010 Posts: 3358
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Posted: Wed Apr 06, 2011 2:20 pm Post subject: |
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Kobeskillz wrote: | A man walks into a bar in Alaska and ask the bartender what does it take to be a real Alaskan man.
The bartender says 1st you have to take 15 shots, 2nd you have to make love to a real Alaskan woman and 3rd you have to wrestle a polar bear.
The man takes his 15 shots and then leaves the bar. A few hours later he comes back all bloodied and clothes torn and says ok so where's that woman I had to wrestle? |
That's not me, I swear. |
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Jamesikan Star Player
Joined: 10 Mar 2010 Posts: 3358
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Posted: Wed Apr 06, 2011 2:22 pm Post subject: |
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Bill Clinton, George W. Bush and George Washington are on a boat. The boat starts to sink, Washington yells "Save the women!"
Bush replies, "Screw the women!".
Clinton looks inquisitively at both of them and said, "Do we have time?" |
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