Joke of the Day
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orwell
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PostPosted: Sun Jan 25, 2009 9:20 pm    Post subject: Joke of the Day

You are on the bus when you suddenly realize ... you need to fart.

The music is really loud, so you time your farts with the beat. After a couple of songs, you start to feel better as you approach your stop.

As you are leaving the bus, people are really staring you down. And that's when you remember: you've been listening to your iPod.
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mike_dee23
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PostPosted: Sun Jan 25, 2009 9:22 pm    Post subject:

That's funny. I heard it the other day, but it started "A blonde sat on a bus..."
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Omar Little
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PostPosted: Sun Jan 25, 2009 11:06 pm    Post subject:

Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes. That way, when you criticize them, you're a mile away and you have their shoes.
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phayze one
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PostPosted: Sun Jan 25, 2009 11:12 pm    Post subject:

There are three types of people in the world: those who can count, and those who can't.
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Mark_in_Tulsa
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PostPosted: Sun Jan 25, 2009 11:18 pm    Post subject:

There Are Only 10 Types of People in the World: Those Who Understand Binary, and Those Who Don't.
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C M B
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PostPosted: Mon Jan 26, 2009 12:09 am    Post subject:

I never (bleep) a 10, but one night, I (bleep) five 2s.
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LakerFan87
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PostPosted: Mon Jan 26, 2009 2:00 am    Post subject:

I integral from 10 to 13 of 2x with respect to X'd your mom and/or sister last night.
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Free_Kobe
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PostPosted: Mon Jan 26, 2009 9:25 am    Post subject:

A Chicken and an Egg are in bed together…

The Egg is lying there, smoking a cigarette with a very satisfied look, while the Chicken is annoyed and frustrated.

The Chicken screams…

--Well I guess that answers that question!!!
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BK
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PostPosted: Mon Jan 26, 2009 12:31 pm    Post subject:

Statistically, 9 out of 10 people enjoy a gang rape

..

(too dirty?)
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C M B
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PostPosted: Mon Jan 26, 2009 12:33 pm    Post subject:

BK wrote:
Statistically, 9 out of 10 people enjoy a gang rape

..

(too dirty?)


roflmao
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Omar Little
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PostPosted: Mon Jan 26, 2009 12:44 pm    Post subject:

BK wrote:
Statistically, 9 out of 10 people enjoy a gang rape

..

(too dirty?)


Winner!
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methdxman
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PostPosted: Mon Jan 26, 2009 12:51 pm    Post subject:

A pirate walks into a bar and he has a steering wheel on his crotch. The bartender finds that odd so he says to the pirate, hey pirate you know you got a steering wheel on your crotch right? The Pirate says "Arrrrrrrr it's driving me nuuuuts!"
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BK
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PostPosted: Mon Jan 26, 2009 3:52 pm    Post subject:

(here's one rated G)

..

During  a visit to the mental asylum, a visitor asked the Director:

"How do  you determine whether or not a patient should be institutionalized?"
 
"Well," said the Director, "we fill up a bathtub, then we offer a teaspoon,
a teacup and a bucket to the patient and ask him or her  to empty
the bathtub."

"Oh, I understand," said the visitor.  "A normal person would use
the bucket because it's bigger than the  spoon or the teacup."

"No" said the Director, "A normal person  would pull the plug.  Do
you want a bed near the window?"
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Free_Kobe
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PostPosted: Wed Apr 06, 2011 12:30 pm    Post subject:

What does every "Tickle Me Elmo" get before it leaves the factory?

-Two test tickles
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frijolero01
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PostPosted: Wed Apr 06, 2011 12:41 pm    Post subject:

C M B wrote:
I never (bleep) a 10, but one night, I (bleep) five 2s.


good ol' George Carlin
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Kobeskillz
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PostPosted: Wed Apr 06, 2011 12:48 pm    Post subject:

methdxman wrote:
A pirate walks into a bar and he has a steering wheel on his crotch. The bartender finds that odd so he says to the pirate, hey pirate you know you got a steering wheel on your crotch right? The Pirate says "Arrrrrrrr it's driving me nuuuuts!"




hAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHA!!!!
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Kobeskillz
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PostPosted: Wed Apr 06, 2011 12:52 pm    Post subject:

A man walks into a bar in Alaska and ask the bartender what does it take to be a real Alaskan man.

The bartender says 1st you have to take 15 shots, 2nd you have to make love to a real Alaskan woman and 3rd you have to wrestle a polar bear.

The man takes his 15 shots and then leaves the bar. A few hours later he comes back all bloodied and clothes torn and says ok so where's that woman I had to wrestle?
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frijolero01
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PostPosted: Wed Apr 06, 2011 1:25 pm    Post subject:

Kobeskillz wrote:
A man walks into a bar in Alaska and ask the bartender what does it take to be a real Alaskan man.

The bartender says 1st you have to take 15 shots, 2nd you have to make love to a real Alaskan woman and 3rd you have to wrestle a polar bear.

The man takes his 15 shots and then leaves the bar. A few hours later he comes back all bloodied and clothes torn and says ok so where's that woman I had to wrestle?


I think you botched that joke.
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Kobeskillz
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PostPosted: Wed Apr 06, 2011 1:35 pm    Post subject:

frijolero01 wrote:
Kobeskillz wrote:
A man walks into a bar in Alaska and ask the bartender what does it take to be a real Alaskan man.

The bartender says 1st you have to take 15 shots, 2nd you have to make love to a real Alaskan woman and 3rd you have to wrestle a polar bear.

The man takes his 15 shots and then leaves the bar. A few hours later he comes back all bloodied and clothes torn and says ok so where's that woman I had to wrestle?


I think you botched that joke.


How?
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frijolero01
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PostPosted: Wed Apr 06, 2011 2:04 pm    Post subject:

Kobeskillz wrote:
frijolero01 wrote:
Kobeskillz wrote:
A man walks into a bar in Alaska and ask the bartender what does it take to be a real Alaskan man.

The bartender says 1st you have to take 15 shots, 2nd you have to make love to a real Alaskan woman and 3rd you have to wrestle a polar bear.

The man takes his 15 shots and then leaves the bar. A few hours later he comes back all bloodied and clothes torn and says ok so where's that woman I had to wrestle?


I think you botched that joke.


How?




JESUS CHRIST! NEVERMIND,

volt!
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Free_Kobe
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PostPosted: Wed Apr 06, 2011 2:12 pm    Post subject:

frijolero01 wrote:
Kobeskillz wrote:
frijolero01 wrote:
Kobeskillz wrote:
A man walks into a bar in Alaska and ask the bartender what does it take to be a real Alaskan man.

The bartender says 1st you have to take 15 shots, 2nd you have to make love to a real Alaskan woman and 3rd you have to wrestle a polar bear.

The man takes his 15 shots and then leaves the bar. A few hours later he comes back all bloodied and clothes torn and says ok so where's that woman I had to wrestle?


I think you botched that joke.


How?



JESUS CHRIST! NEVERMIND,

volt!
I don't think he messed up the joke...
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frijolero01
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PostPosted: Wed Apr 06, 2011 2:17 pm    Post subject:

Free_Kobe wrote:
frijolero01 wrote:
Kobeskillz wrote:
frijolero01 wrote:
Kobeskillz wrote:
A man walks into a bar in Alaska and ask the bartender what does it take to be a real Alaskan man.

The bartender says 1st you have to take 15 shots, 2nd you have to make love to a real Alaskan woman and 3rd you have to wrestle a polar bear.

The man takes his 15 shots and then leaves the bar. A few hours later he comes back all bloodied and clothes torn and says ok so where's that woman I had to wrestle?


I think you botched that joke.


How?



JESUS CHRIST! NEVERMIND,

volt!
I don't think he messed up the joke...


i know, I completely read it wrong.
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ComputerBlue
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PostPosted: Wed Apr 06, 2011 2:19 pm    Post subject:

Free_Kobe wrote:
frijolero01 wrote:
Kobeskillz wrote:
frijolero01 wrote:
Kobeskillz wrote:
A man walks into a bar in Alaska and ask the bartender what does it take to be a real Alaskan man.

The bartender says 1st you have to take 15 shots, 2nd you have to make love to a real Alaskan woman and 3rd you have to wrestle a polar bear.

The man takes his 15 shots and then leaves the bar. A few hours later he comes back all bloodied and clothes torn and says ok so where's that woman I had to wrestle?


I think you botched that joke.


How?



JESUS CHRIST! NEVERMIND,

volt!
I don't think he messed up the joke...


ohh boy...
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Jamesikan
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PostPosted: Wed Apr 06, 2011 2:20 pm    Post subject:

Kobeskillz wrote:
A man walks into a bar in Alaska and ask the bartender what does it take to be a real Alaskan man.

The bartender says 1st you have to take 15 shots, 2nd you have to make love to a real Alaskan woman and 3rd you have to wrestle a polar bear.

The man takes his 15 shots and then leaves the bar. A few hours later he comes back all bloodied and clothes torn and says ok so where's that woman I had to wrestle?


That's not me, I swear.
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Jamesikan
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PostPosted: Wed Apr 06, 2011 2:22 pm    Post subject:

Bill Clinton, George W. Bush and George Washington are on a boat. The boat starts to sink, Washington yells "Save the women!"

Bush replies, "Screw the women!".

Clinton looks inquisitively at both of them and said, "Do we have time?"
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