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JerryMagicKobe
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PostPosted: Mon Apr 11, 2011 11:05 am    Post subject:

Free_Kobe wrote:
What do you call a gay dinosaur?
-Mega-sore-ass

Unless it's a girl: lickalottapus.
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jodeke
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PostPosted: Mon Apr 11, 2011 12:56 pm    Post subject:

JerryMagicKobe wrote:
Free_Kobe wrote:
What do you call a gay dinosaur?
-Mega-sore-ass

Unless it's a girl: lickalottapus.


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PostPosted: Mon Apr 11, 2011 1:42 pm    Post subject:

jodeke wrote:
JerryMagicKobe wrote:
Free_Kobe wrote:
What do you call a gay dinosaur?
-Mega-sore-ass

Unless it's a girl: lickalottapus.


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Jordan-esque
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PostPosted: Mon Apr 11, 2011 2:48 pm    Post subject:

unleasHell wrote:
This was an old Three Stooges skit, with a man talking to Larry:

Man: If I give you $5 and your Father gives you $5, how much do you have?

Larry: $5

Man: No, you're not listening, if I give you $5 and your Father gives you $5, how much do you have?

Larry: $5

Man: You don't know your math.

Larry: You don't know my father.....



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Jordan-esque
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PostPosted: Mon Apr 11, 2011 2:54 pm    Post subject:

Wait 3 pages, and still no blonde jokes? Ok...

Two blonde girls were walking down the street.

One of 'em sees a mirror on the ground and picks it up.

Staring directly at the mirror, the 1st blond girl says:

"Like, oh my gosh! I think I've seen this person before!"

The 2nd blonde girl quickly grabs the mirror off her friend's hands and looks at it replying:

"Of course you've seen this person before stupid... it's me!"
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undefeatedAJ
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PostPosted: Mon Apr 11, 2011 3:09 pm    Post subject:

Jordan-esque wrote:
Wait 3 pages, and still no blonde jokes? Ok...

Two blonde girls were walking down the street.

One of 'em sees a mirror on the ground and picks it up.

Staring directly at the mirror, the 1st blond girl says:

"Like, oh my gosh! I think I've seen this person before!"

The 2nd blonde girl quickly grabs the mirror off her friend's hands and looks at it replying:

"Of course you've seen this person before stupid... it's me!"


Yes!
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Conker
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PostPosted: Mon Apr 11, 2011 4:02 pm    Post subject:

Blonde jokes are overrated, man.
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g3rb3r
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PostPosted: Wed Apr 13, 2011 9:26 am    Post subject:

If you have an Uncle Jack and he got stuck on a fence, would you help your Uncle Jack-off?...

Or if you grandma was going on vacation and her luggage was too heavy to carry onto the ship, would you help your grandma get it on?...
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Free_Kobe
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PostPosted: Thu Apr 14, 2011 9:08 am    Post subject:

Charles Dickens walks into a bar and orders a martini. The bartender asks, "Olive or twist?"
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999
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PostPosted: Thu Apr 14, 2011 11:08 am    Post subject:

have you seen that new pirates of the caribbean movie???


its rated Arrrrrrrgh!!!!!


i am also here all day folks


(rimshot )
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jodeke
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PostPosted: Fri Apr 15, 2011 2:40 pm    Post subject:

A blonde and a redhead met in a bar after work for a drink, and were watching the 6 O'clock news. A man was shown threatening to jump from the Brooklyn Bridge. The blonde bet the redhead $50 that he wouldn't jump, and the redhead replied, "I'll take that bet!"

Anyway, sure enough, he jumped, so the blonde gave the redhead the $50 she owed. The redhead said "I can't take this, you're my friend"

The blonde said "No! A bet's a bet".

So the redhead said "Listen, I have to admit, I saw this on the 5 O'clock news, so I can't take your money"

The blonde replied "well, so did I, but I never thought he'd jump again!"
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America will never be destroyed from the outside. If we falter and lose our freedoms, it will be because we destroyed ourselves.
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jodeke
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PostPosted: Fri Apr 15, 2011 3:50 pm    Post subject:

One day, while a blonde was out driving her car, she ran into a truck.

The truck's driver made her pull over into a parking lot and get out of the car.

He took a piece of chalk and drew a circle on the pavement. He told her to stand in the middle and not leave the circle.

Furious, he went over to her car and slashed the tires.

The blonde started laughing.

This made the man angrier so he smashed her windshield.

This time the blonde laughed even harder.

Livid, the man broke all her windows and keyed her car.

The blonde is now laughing hysterically, so the truck driver asks her what's so funny.

The blonde giggles and replies, "When you weren't looking, I stepped out of the circle three times!"
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Be who you are and say what you feel because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind.

America will never be destroyed from the outside. If we falter and lose our freedoms, it will be because we destroyed ourselves.
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Bonzoid
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PostPosted: Fri Apr 15, 2011 4:16 pm    Post subject:

A man goes into Waterstone’s bookstore and asks the young lady assistant, "Do you have that new book that’s come out for men with short penises? ...I can't remember the title”.

She replies, "I'm not sure if it's in yet."


The man said, "Yes - that's the one - I'll take a copy.
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Bonzoid
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PostPosted: Fri Apr 15, 2011 4:23 pm    Post subject:

Wanted A tall well-built woman with good
reputation, who can cook frogs
legs, who appreciates a good fuc-
schia garden, classic music and tal-
king without getting too serious.
Interested?
Then please only read lines 1, 3 and 5;
still interested?
Call me at............
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Free_Kobe
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PostPosted: Fri Apr 15, 2011 5:02 pm    Post subject:

Did I already post my Alzheimer's joke?
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♪ ♫One good thing about music, when it hits, you feel no pain...
So hit me with music! ♪ ♫
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Free_Kobe
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PostPosted: Fri Apr 15, 2011 5:03 pm    Post subject:

Two old women were sitting in church. One leans over to her friend and said, "My butt is asleep." Her friend replied, "I know, I've heard it snore three times already."
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Free_Kobe
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PostPosted: Mon Apr 18, 2011 7:13 am    Post subject:

I have a Jehovah's Witness joke...
Knock Knock.
HIIIIDE!
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♪ ♫One good thing about music, when it hits, you feel no pain...
So hit me with music! ♪ ♫
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unleasHell
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PostPosted: Thu Apr 21, 2011 11:33 am    Post subject:

A man is getting into the shower just as his wife is finishing up her shower, when the doorbell rings.

The wife quickly wraps herself in a towel and runs downstairs. When she opens the door, there stands Bob, the next-door neighbor.

Before she says a word, Bob says, 'I'll give you $800 to drop that towel.'
After thinking for a moment, the woman drops her towel and stands naked in front of Bob, after a few seconds,

Bob hands her $800 and leaves. The woman wraps back up in the towel and goes back upstairs.

When she gets to the bathroom, her husband asks, 'Who was that?'
'It was Bob the next door neighbor she replies.

'Great,' the husband says, 'did he say anything about the $800 he owes me?'
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Free_Kobe
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PostPosted: Thu Apr 21, 2011 1:57 pm    Post subject:

2 fish are in a tank...

One turns to the other and says...

"You man the guns and I'll drive!"
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♪ ♫One good thing about music, when it hits, you feel no pain...
So hit me with music! ♪ ♫


Last edited by Free_Kobe on Thu Apr 21, 2011 2:20 pm; edited 1 time in total
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undefeatedAJ
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PostPosted: Thu Apr 21, 2011 2:04 pm    Post subject:

^^ nice

Last edited by undefeatedAJ on Thu Apr 21, 2011 2:13 pm; edited 1 time in total
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undefeatedAJ
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PostPosted: Thu Apr 21, 2011 2:12 pm    Post subject:

One day a young man and woman were in their bedroom making love. All of a sudden a bumble bee entered the bedroom window. As the young lady parted her legs the bee entered her vag. The woman started screaming "Oh my god, help me, there's a bee in my vag!" The husband immediately took her to the local doctor and explained the situation.

The doctor thought for a moment and said "Hmm, tricky situation. But I have a solution to the problem if young sir would permit." The husband being very concerned agreed that the doctor could use whatever method to get the bee out of his wife's vag. The doctor said "OK, what I'm gonna do is rub some honey over the top of my dick and insert it into your wife's vag. When I feel the bee getting closer to the tip of my dick I shall withdraw it and the bee should hopefully follow my dick out of your wife's vag. The husband nodded and gave his approval. The young lady said "Yes, Yes, whatever, just get on with it."


So the doctor, after covering the tip of his dick with honey, inserted it into the young lady's vag. After a few gentle strokes, the doctor said, "I don't think the bee has noticed the honey yet. Perhaps I should go a bit deeper." So the doctor went deeper and deeper. After a while the doctor began shafting the young lady very hard indeed.


The young lady began to quiver with excitement. She began to moan and groan aloud.


The doctor, concentrating very hard, looked like he was enjoying himself, he then put his hands on the young lady's breasts and started making loud noises.


The husband at this point suddenly became very annoyed and shouted, "Now wait a minute! What the Hell do you think you're doing?" The doctor, still concentrating, replied, "Change of plan. I'm gonna drown the bastard!"
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Clark Kent
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PostPosted: Fri Apr 22, 2011 3:32 pm    Post subject:

Alaskan Laker Fan wrote:
Kobeskillz wrote:
A man walks into a bar in Alaska and ask the bartender what does it take to be a real Alaskan man.

The bartender says 1st you have to take 15 shots, 2nd you have to make love to a real Alaskan woman and 3rd you have to wrestle a polar bear.

The man takes his 15 shots and then leaves the bar. A few hours later he comes back all bloodied and clothes torn and says ok so where's that woman I had to wrestle?


That's not me, I swear.

Response = Best Joke Ever.
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PostPosted: Wed Apr 27, 2011 10:44 pm    Post subject:

How does George W. Bush know that there's a weapon of mass destruction?

He got the receipt.
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PostPosted: Tue May 10, 2011 2:24 pm    Post subject:

What you call two Mexicans playing basketball? Juan and Juan.

What you call two Chinese playing basketball? Wong and Wong.
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PostPosted: Sat Jun 15, 2013 7:40 pm    Post subject:

A guy walks into a bar and looks over and he sees another guy with a tiny, tiny head. He sees the guy buying everyone 3 rounds of drinks, so he walks up to him and asks, "I appreciate you buying us drinks but why is your head so small?" The guy replied, "We'll I was stranded on an island last week for 3 days and as I was walking down the beach I saw a mermaid and she said she'll grant me 3 wishes. My first wish was to be rescued! So Boom! helicopters and ships show up. My second wish was to be the richest man on earth, so Bam! I'm a trillionaire." Then the man paused... The other man asked, "well then what was your 3rd wish?" The man responds, "well I've been really lonely being stranded on the island, so I look at the mermaid and I say, "I want to have sex with you!!" She replied, "You know you can't have sex with me, I'm a mermaid?" So I told her, "well then... --How about a little head?!?!"
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